Inside Light
by Lostpharoah
Summary: There is more to Faust's haunted past than meets the eye. And Ryu, with his good heart, is about to find out more. A bit AUOOCShonen Ai.
1. Chapter 1

Inside Light

A/N---Very, Very long time reader, Now just joining seriously. As this is my first published fic (Believe me, I have written many that dont belong. ), I hope that you all like it.

Strange enough pairing---Faust/Ryo. Dont get upset with me, I want to be the one who is referred to as ' The girl who published the crazy pairing as her first fic.' Or, something like that. It is only a bit of Shounen Ai, and a bit of Faust background…a good way to start here, I hope.

I dont own Shaman King, or any of its characters, plots, etc. I think we all know that.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this. crosses fingers

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' This really is my special place', Ryo thought on a happy note. With the Shaman Fights over, Hao long gone, and Yoh and Anna happ---Well, together, everything was great. Instead of going there separate ways, however, all of the gang decided to stay at Yoh's lovely house. The bonds formed during the tournament were…Not to be expressed in words. The friendships would last forever, that much is for sure. Leaving now, to go back to the gang, didn't seem right, in a sense. This was happiness. He didn't want everything to end so suddenly.

Manta and Yoh were still close, of course. Even though there friendship had started in such a strange way, the two were always together now, making everyone laugh around the clock, even to the point of making milk come out of Ren's nose during breakfast. Ms. Anna, while still a bit stiff, had also begun to lighten up, smiling and laughing just as much as the others. Ren and Horo-Horo still fought, almost relentlessly—But it was now easy to see how the two were just playing, and having fun; sparing, to heighten their skills, as if fearing that another evil being, like Hao, would threaten the good times that had settled upon them. And of course, Jun was always around to tell her brother to ' play nice.'

Ryo, alone for the first time in quite a while, glanced at the setting sun.

_'Lyserg…'_

After the separation of the X-Laws, Lyserg had not been seen. If Ryu said he wasn't worried, it would be a blatant lie, everyone knew that—However, love was not a word that came into Ryu's mind. Friendship, compassion, perhaps—But not love. Even though Ryu could be a bit rowdy, and unfeeling (at least in the old days) , he knew that love was not a word to use lightly. Lyserg was lost, confused. Maybe…Ryu just liked to take care of people. He was a kind person, once you got past the strange choice of dress and the hair that could almost put someone's eye out.

'Speaking of which..' Ryu reached up and fingered his now straight, not to mention shorter, hair, and trimmed face, free of any hair at all. ' It gets too hot here in the summer for all of that hair. And besides, Ive been wanting to try something new.' The people in the house had been happy about it, not to mention the spirits, as well. Amidamaru's exact words were, ' At least now you look halfway like you live in this time.' He understood the hair was a bit overboard, but he hated to fit in. That was just the way it was.

Either way, he was dressing normal as well. ' Well, I would say this summer sure has changed me. Aw, hell, who cares? It changed everyone. Just glad we are all getting along, so far. At least Ren hasn't decided to kill anyone, yet. The little bastard can be a real pain in the ass.'

Stretching silently, he took one last look at the beautiful setting sun, and turned, to go back into the house.

" Ren, I swear to god, If you don't put down my Dim Sung…" Ryu recognized Horo Horo's voice.

" You seem to be getting a little chubby, Horo. I'm just doing you a favor." Ren smirked as he opened his mouth and gladly began to chew the Dim Sung, eyes closed, making moans of happiness.

Horo Horo growled. Yoh and Anna were laughing, Jun was reprimanding her brother, and Chocolove was trying to make a joke about Ren's moans.

Ryu smiled a bit at the scene before him. Dressed in Black Jeans and a plain white shirt, he fit in just as well as anyone else. Yes, that felt a bit good, for once.

And then, Ryu noticed something. The stitches on Ren's upper arm were showing, as were the bandages around Horo-Horo's ankle. He started as he realized his own wrist was sewn up after the Hao insident. Injuries were apparent, of course, Hao wasn't a normal opponent. Getting thrown around like a ragdoll took its toll. And who was the one who fixed them? Who was the one who put his own life on the line? Who was the one who disregarded his own life to save the life of his own friends?

Faust. It was the mysterious German doctor, who, in a strange sense, had his way with Manta a few months back.

And yet, even though Manta was a friend, Ryu couldn't be one hundred percent angry at Faust. The pain for Manta must have been excruciating, he knew—However, what kind of life had Faust known? Eliza, her life and death…For some reason, that only seemed like the tip of the iceberg. No, something else was wrong…and Ryu had known it ever since he met the blonde haired beauty.

'Blonde haired beauty? I've been drinking too much…'

As he leaned against the wall, surveying the others, trying to join in on some conversations even, he realized that, all of a sudden, like a ton of bricks—He couldn't stop thinking about Faust, not for one second. He realized how very little he knew about him…and while no one truly knew anything about Faust and his past…well, maybe he was the one who was meant to. He would try his best…when he worked up the nerve.

At that moment of realization, he hear Jun's voice ring out from the nearby kitchen, through all of the other voices. " Ryu, can you do me a favor? Faust hasn't come out of his room yet—Tell him his dinner is getting cold!"

Ryu felt the blush creep into his cheeks against his will. The power he had seconds ago had disappeared quicker than a plate of onigiri in from of Horo Horo.

He wasn't afraid of Faust…He was afraid of getting closer to him, and maybe, somewhere inside…Afraid of hurting him. He didn't want to become another scar on the doctor's mind.

"Ryu!" He heard Jun's voice snap him out of his reverie.

"All right, All right, I'm going, I'm going!" Ryu said the word's harshly, trying to put on his bad-boy gang exterior as normal, so as not to let the others in on his…small, yet growing, infatuation. He walked, at a slow pace, through the hallways of the house, until he reached the room that held the surgeon. Lizard wasn't with him, luckily, as the spirit was just bound to cause problems, especially around things like this.

'Things like this? Hell, I don't even know what I mean anymore.'

Ryu remembered dinner. 'That's the reason I'm back here. Nothing else.' He readied himself. He imagined Faust could see him through the paper door—If he walked foreword without ducking, he would hit his head on the door frame for sure. ' Faust is tall too…But I'm masculine. He is…more effeminate.'

Ryu shook his head back and forth. 'Where are these thoughts coming from? If Faust knew I just called him a girly man, he would cut me up and use me for experiments!"

And, happy that wasn't the case, Ryu decided to face his newfound fear head on. He whipped the door open.

" Faust! Jun says your dinner—" he trailed off, eyes wide, not having the strength to move, or to speak.

Faust sat, on his knees, in his pants, and his high boots. The thin purple shirt adorned him as well, but it was easily see-through. His doctors coat was thrown carelessly on the bed. Eliza's unanimated body (Skeleton only), lay on the floor in front of him.

Nothing was out of the ordinary.

Except for the tears running down Faust's face.

And, the many jagged scars and wound's covering his arms and back. Wounds that didn't come from any Shaman battles he knew of.

'Oh God…' Faust hadn't noticed his presence, it seemed like. Ryu didn't know what to do.

Ryu didn't know how to help.

But he would find out. If it cost him everything, he would find out.

End Chapter One

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Please Read and Review…I would like to know what you all think so far. I would like to continue, and I will if you all think you would read it!

Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2 Tell myself

Inside Light: Chapter Two

A/N : A quick update, eh? Amazing, seeing as how I am overloaded with homework and other things…I really am getting better at my Piano (especially playing anime and video game songs.) But, hey, you guys aren't here for that!

I wish I had more reviews…Sniff But, the story must commence!

I don't own Shaman King. If I did, than would I only have One review…Sniff again

Lets Get Going!

Ryu stood, speechless, for what was hours, in his mind. He hadn't heard any commotion in the kitchen, he hadn't heard Tao Jun yelling at him for not doing his job. All he heard…was nothing. Silence. He could only look at Faust, his tears flowing steadily, not stopping. Ryu stared—He couldn't help but stare—and the attachment he felt to Faust was increasing. His group in the Shaman Fight…Faust was like a ghost in the background. He wanted to know him. Would Faust let him get close? Would Faust tell him, of all people, about his life, his past?

He didn't think about it. All he heard was one small sob, one small whimper, and, as if time had sped up for a moment, he had taken Faust into an embrace, arms encircling his bony shoulders. The moment, sweet as it was, broke quickly, as Faust let out a strangled scream, and pushed Ryu away quickly. He then pulled his legs to his chest, curling into a ball, rocking back and forth, mumbling to himself.

Leaning up, Ryu looked at Faust. Yes, it was rude to hug him without asking…but, the urge was too much…To hold him, tell him things were all right. Maybe he didn't even have the right to do that.

He didn't even know what was wrong with Faust. How could he help? How?

He lifted his head up and looked at the Doctor. His hands gripped his hair, eyes closed, still mumbling, Ryu realized.

'This is serious. Something is very, very wrong here.'

He reached a hand out. "Faust…Hey-"

Faust spoke, in a loud voice. "Nein! Ich bien nein Daemon…Nein…"

Ryu jumped back when Faust said this. German wasn't something he knew, but he knew it was hostile, what had been said. And he could tell what 'nein' meant. He wasn't stupid, despite his previous fashion sense.

However, he was at a standstill. Comforting people wasn't really what he had been known for in the past. Maybe for little things—A lost dog, a broken toy. But, this looked much more sinister, and in-depth, if that was the right way to put it. So many things could have happened to cause this behavior. He shuddered to think of them. However, what things it could be…How could he help?

He decided to ask a question he had been hesitating on asking before. It seemed like a taunt, or something redundant…But maybe Faust would respond to it.

" Faust…What's wrong?"

He hated the question, and wished he could take it back. Faust didn't respond—Not a big suprise—However, his mumbling became louder, and this time, some words Ryu could understand.

" Nein…Hurts…Make them stop it…Nein, Nein, NEIN!"

Faust screamed. No, not a quiet scream, or a playful scream…but a heart curdling, painful scream, full of what seemed like intense agony. It made Ryu angry. He wanted to kill those who were the cause of it. It couldn't just be Eliza's death. It just couldn't be.

He couldn't stand it.

Instead of blind-sighting him, he decided on something easier, gentler. Faust's hands were now limp at his sides. Ryu, counting his blessings, took Faust's left hand into his right.

Faust didn't scream. He didn't speak. He only lifted his head slightly, eyes bloodshot, wetness still apparent on his cheeks. The sight broke Ryu's heart. Faust acted strong, he could see it. That's all it was—acting. And sometimes, like with Manta—His acting wasn't so good. From what he had heard about the experience, a glimpse was caught of Faust's madness.

Being in a gang as he was, word's like 'crazy', and 'insane' were heard often, but for different reasons, like riding bikes off ramps, and breaking mailboxes with bats. Nothing else. His gang wasn't the Yakuza, for Christ's sake, it was only a tiny group of guys, trying to be 'cool', in the big scheme of things. Ryu had chased after skirts, sure, how could he not. But each were just one night stands, if that, and didn't mean a thing. This was more. Who cares if Faust isn't a chick? This isn't about sex…its about the deep care and loving that you feel for a person. A will for them to be all right…A will for them to trust you.

If only the others saw him now. I bet no one expected this outburst of emotion and rational thought. Not from Ryu.

But this tugging at his heartstrings wasn't just a fluke, and it certainly wouldn't happen for just anyone. Faust was damn important to him. Bottom Line.

Focusing back on the world around him, he felt the subtle warmth of Faust's hand in his own, and the tears falling from Faust's eyes falling on the back of his hand.

The very notion broke his heart. What could bring on so many tears? You'd think he was out of 'em by now.

Working up more nerve, he lifted his other hand, and put it on the doctors tear stained cheek, bruising the tears away with his thumb. Faust's eyes closed when he did this. It was either a sign of trust, or a sign of giving up. But he prayed he didn't see him as an enemy. He prayed for his moment to not break as his last fiasco had.

He tried a new tactic. " Faust…Can you hear me?"

Faust opened his eyes—'God those violet eyes…'—and nodded. He could see the intricate spiderweb of reddened veins in his eyes. And, every few seconds, another tear would leak out of his eyes, running down his pale, angelic face, his eyes seeming to have more bags under them, the gray flesh giving him a sad look at any given time. He had always wished he could get rid of that. Maybe he had happiness once. Ryu just wished that he could get it back.

Ryu looked at him in the eyes, serious now, ready for what might come. Quietly, he spoke.

"Faust…you dont have to talk to me, you dont have to tell me anything you dont want to…" He paused. Faust was still, looking back at him. He just hoped he was listening. "But, I want you to know…I will be here when you want to talk. I will listen. I…care about, Faust. Just wanted you to know that…" He felt the blush rise in his cheeks, and he was aware that he sounded like a child admitting love to a far away crush. He kept his eyes on Faust. He was upset to see more tears falling from his eyes. But, then, Faust spoke, in only more than a whisper. He could hear the hoarseness in his voice from the crying, and maybe, from something else.

" Danke, Ryu….Thank you…"

End Chapter Two

You all realize that most of this chapter is Ryu trying to convince himself that how he feels about Faust is okay. I promise that the next chapter will be more…Well, better.

Please R&R! Hope you enjoyed! I will try to update as fast as this!


	3. Chapter 3 On the Way Down

Hello Everyone! Originally, this chapter was supposed to be split into both chapters 3 and 4. However, some friends complained about that making the chapters too short, and I agreed with them…Even though if I did split it, you would have one mean cliffhanger. But, hey, I'm being nice.

I admit, sometimes I slack off because I want to get a chapter out faster...I hate waiting for chapters, so I know how people who like this story feel if I take my time. Ick...

I hope you all enjoy this chapter. It will get much better, I promise. I am still trying to set some things up.

Enjoy!

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The moonlight shone thought the window in Faust's descent sized room. The room was decorated in shades of black and gray, with some green, a dungeon in what seemed to be a fairyland. They still sat on the floor, Ryu keeping his distance from Faust, but staying close at the same time, at the very least, emotionally. No words had been spoken for a while—But it was a mutual silence. Ryu still held the Germans hand, reveling in his warmth, happy to feel his soft skin, if even like this.

'Damn, what would the guys say? Well, they treat me like a God as it is. I guess they wouldn't care. And if they did care…Fuck them all. I know what I want. And its this, right here.'

He looked at Faust, and was almost happy to see the doctors eyes closed.

' At least now he is resting.' He thought of what to do, and decided on the smartest idea.

He put his hands under the doctors knees and back, and picked him up, carrying him to the bed in the corner of the room. As soon as he stood, Faust in tow, he gasped lightly, feeling the weight of him. He had to remind himself to add that to his list of curiosities.

He lowered him down onto the bed, on the soft good down cover, and when he didn't make a sound, Ryu decided that he was in a dead slumber. Only then did Ryu realize that his eyes had focused to the near darkness. And only then did he looked at Faust moon lit body. He couldn't help the second gasp that escaped his lips.

The scars were apparent. Some were deeper than others, that much could be seen. Once again, as before, Ryu felt an unstoppable anger. He had to turn his head away for a moment, after he noticed the permanent marks on Faust's neck. The tattoo did no job of hiding them. He couldn't tell what caused them, but it was certain that the doctor was choked, strangled.

Ryu looked back at his sleeping face, and rested his hand on the side of his face once more, then moving it to his soft blonde locks.

"Faust, what happened to you?" With the touch and the soft tone of the Gang members voice, Faust snapped awake. His eyes opened, and Ryu could easily see the fear in his eyes. He removed his hand quickly, and then put his hands up, like one does when they surrender. It didn't seem to matter much. Faust realized that he was in a bed, it seemed, and his eyes widened, his mouth opening as if to scream, but only a small whimper escaped.

"It's all right, hey, it's all right…" Ryu backed up a few feet as he said this.

Faust looked like a lost child at this point. He trembled like a leaf in a hurricane, and all of a sudden, he looked at Ryu, accusingly, and spoke in a quiet voice.

" What did you do to me?"

Ryu was silent, shocked that he was being accused of something like this. "Faust, I didn't do anything to you. I only laid you in the bed, you fell asleep!"

Faust raised his hand to put it around his own neck. The next words he spoke would forever change Ryu's view of the doctor, and would answer the question present in his mind.

" Did you have your way with the crazy doll too?"

A/N: This is where it was going to end. Dont you all love me?

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The kitchen was silent. The others had gone to bed a while ago, it looked like. The dishes lay in the sink, the tables clear, chairs pushed under its wooden surface. Yoh and Horo Horo's snoring could be heard through the paper doors. And Ryu was sure that he could hear Faust's soft sobbing as well, as he poured the Vodka into the glass.

This whole ordeal was killing him. A drink wouldn't hurt. But, if he had one more…well, two drinks didn't exactly treat him well.

He had to figure this out. He remembered Faust's words.

' _Did you have your way with the crazy doll too?'_

He visibly flinched. 'Take advantage of…That's what it means…' Jun left it on sad movies once and a while. So he realized what this was.

Rape. That's the only thing it could mean, it was the only explanation for how Faust was acting. The flinching, the fear in his eyes…The tears…oh, so many tears.

Ryu had seen rival gangs steal girlfriends, and rape them, of course…And it was a terrible ordeal for one to go through, he could tell. It could tear a persons soul, it could take a perfectly happy life, and in only a few moments, take all of it away. He had seen people, mostly women, in hospital rooms, beaten, almost past the point of recognition, bloody, innocence stolen. It hit him.

'Was Faust…was his first time…'

He knew that he was thinking too far ahead, he didn't even know if his senses were right. But he trusted what his gut told him, at least for the moment.

Ryu remembered his first time. A real oriental beauty, found her in the outskirts of Kyoto when he was fifteen. Rented one of those 'love-hotel' rooms, and stayed there all night. Turns out she was twenty five. But it was a fantastic night. He had to guess that Faust…Well, he could jump to conclusions, but he guessed Eliza wasn't number one.

It was worse than he imagined. And because of that, his love for Faust grew.

'Love…Damn, I guess that's really what it is.'

He downed the Vodka in one swoop.

'_Your a demon. You shouldn't be here.'_

Faust trembled as he heard the voices of his past, echoing in his head.

"No…"

'_You killed her…It was your fault.'_

"God, no…Nein…"

'_You are disgusting! You aren't innocent…all of the children in the village are clean, but you are so tainted, so dirty..'_

"NO…Please, I didn't…"

'_You dont deserve to be alive.'_

"…I…don't."

Ryu walked back into the room, ready for more abuse to be sent his way, but really not caring.

Faust sat in a ball on the bed, arms around his knees, whispering. Ryu only stood in the doorway, looking at Faust lovingly. Quickly, Faust lifted his head, in a moment of realization.

" I dont deserve to be alive."

Ryu stepped forward, wanting to comfort the Doctor, but not wanting to frighten him more than he was already. Faust locked onto him, and it seemed that at least some of his sight on reality had returned. He spoke, to Ryu then.

" I dont deserve to be here."

Ryu couldn't help it. He walked, very slowly, towards the bed, stopping after each step, looking towards the Doctor for proof that he could move another step. The words he spoke were strange, Faust didn't talk like this, he didn't.

Then Ryu remembered that he hardly knew anything about Faust. And what he had just 'learned' wasn't much. Not yet.

He finally reached the bed. The Doctor hadn't moved much since he mad the strange remarks. He slowly sat on the edge, looking at him, with what he hoped was a reassuring look.

" I'm not going to hurt you. Do you trust me?"

Faust's eyes looked dead, glazed. He nodded. Ryu was going to try some…well, womans work, to try to get the surgeon to open up. He was prepared for this moment.

" I said you can talk to me, didn't I?"

Faust nodded.

" I said that I cared for you, didn't I?"

Faust nodded.

" I said that I would be here for you, didn't I?"

Faust nodded.

" So, tell me who raped you."

There was an eerie silence. Until Ryu put more kindling on the fire.

"Tell me who beat you, tell me who hurt you, please, Faust…"

Faust's eyes were back to being awake. His mouth, his beautiful lips, were slightly open. Ryu wasn't one for romance, but this seemed damn close.

Instead of embracing the wounded man, Ryu opened his arms, waiting for Faust. It was up to the doctor now.

It only took a moment. The scene of the Surgeon crying openly in the arms of the admittant man would enlighten any wounded soul.

A/N : Well, hopefully the story is picking up. I hope its not too OOC…But, hey, this is fanfiction, right? OOC is the fun part!

Please Review. I want to know what you all think.

Thanks so much to:

Rebecky-mo

uppertorso

sakuuya

KitsuneGirl911


	4. Chapter 4 New Questions Arise

Inside Light Chapter Four

Here I am again, everyone! If you haven't seen the friendly reminder in my profile, Inside Light is OOC. Out of character, meaning that Ryu, in particular, is acting quite different than he does in the show. And, that my friends, is what is good about fanfiction. You can make the characters do and say what you please. You are the puppet master!

Also, in case anyone was wondering, I was born in Germany. That is a random lostpharoah fact, haha!

Ha, I dont own Shaman King. If I did, I would be embracing a giant Faust cutout right now.

Please enjoy this chapter. Things are about to liven up, I promise you.

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Morning came. The sun rose, over the nearby mountains, and awoke the wildlife and flowers of the countryside. Ladybugs and butterflies happily zoomed around the large yard surrounding the old house. Dandelions blew, tiny seedless flowing through the fresh air, landing in different patches of grass. It was quiet and peaceful, the way early morning should be.

The kitchen smelt of broiled fish and burning rice. Horo Horo was on cooking duty, which, recently, meant certain doom. The blue-haired shamans cooking skills had recently plummeted for reasons being lack of sleep and his constant laziness. He frantically took the rice out of the pot, and put fish on clean white plates.

"Hey, could I get some help in here!"

Anna replied from her spot at the low table, next to Yoh. " You said that you would cook today, so cook!"

Horo Horo moaned, irritated, then let out a scream, realizing that he was burning the tofu and mushrooms for the Miso.

Tao Len and Tao Jun let out small laughs, and the others at the table smiled. Looking around at the other faces, Jun realized.

" I wonder where Faust and Ryu are?" She was silent for a moment, then realized again. "Come to think of it, Faust never came out to eat dinner last night!" She stood up, so quickly that Yoh had to reach out to hold his drink so that it didn't spill.

"I'm going to go check on them."

Len snorted. " You worry too much, sister. They are probably just sleeping in."

Jun glared at him for being so uncaring. " Well, none the less."

She began to walk towards Ryu's room. She opened the door quietly, peeking in through the small crack she had made in the door.

She saw nothing but a neatly made empty bed.

Near panic now, she ran down the hall to Fausts room. Wrenching the door open, she was shocked, in almost a happy way, at the sight before her.

Ryu slept, sitting up, with his back against the wall the bed rested against. However, next to him was Faust. Ryus arms held Faust tightly, even in sleep. She could tell because of the deep creases his arms were making in the doctors skin. Fausts head was leaning on Ryus muscular chest.

Jun smiled and closed the door, turning around to lean on it. She knew that if her brother had seen that, he would make an improper comment. However, she understood. She knew how badly Faust needed someone. And, it should be Ryu. She saw the way he looked at the Doctor. She knew how he felt. She just wondered if he, himself, knew.

Ryu was the first to wake. He looked around, not recognizing his surroundings, wondering if he had too much to drink the night before.

Then he looked down. And he saw the mop of blonde hair.

He remembered everything. The tears, Fausts past, his own curiosity. He remembered every bit of it.

But he truly knew nothing.

Moving up to get rid of the kink in his back, and not trying to wake Faust, was a difficult thing to do. The doctor moaned slightly at his sudden movement. Ryu went very still, not wanting to invoke Fausts frightened wrath. Fausts gorgeous eyes opened, and looked around, perhaps facing the same confusion that Ryu had a few moments ago. And, judging by his dramatic change in facial expression, he was shocked by the whole fiasco.

He sat up, looked around, and his eyes came to rest on Ryus fatigue stricken face.

Ryu spoke, trying to put at least some mask of joy into the room. "So, ready for breakfast?"

Faust looked, if possible, even more dazed than usual. Then, much to the gang members suprise, lay his head back on the his chest. Ryu heard Faust speak, and he was shocked at his quiet voice.

" You didn't do anything to me. You didn't hurt me. I dont hurt."

"Faust…" Ryu spoke his name in an exhale of breath. " No, I couldn't. Cant even imagine hurting you."

The room felt very warm all of a sudden, and, yet, Ryu felt a cold chill going through him. He felt Faust move, lifting himself up, probably to go to the kitchen. Ryu let out a breath—He was happy to see the doctor taking charge. They needed to put all of the drama they had experienced behind them, at least for the moment.

"All right, lets g—"

He was cut off by Fausts supple lips on his own.

Tao Jun smiled to herself.

Ren looked at his sister, eyebrow raised in question.

"Sister, I dont like that look."

She laughed. " Nothing, brother. Nothing at all."

He felt Fausts warmth. He felt the surgeons hands on his chest. He felt their tongues beginning to intertwine.

He couldn't take this. If this kept up…He felt like he would lose himself. That his promise would be broken. He couldn't let that happen, he just couldn't.

He gently put his hands on the doctors chest and pushed him away. He could still feel Fausts warm breath on his neck. It made him shiver.

" Faust, what are you doing?"

The doctor looked up at him, eyes desperately sad.

" Did you not like it?"

Ryu was taken aback by the inquiry.

" No, that's not it…"

"You didn't like it…" Faust seemed to curl into himself. "Oh, now you are going to hurt me." He spoke in a sing song voice, a happy voice.

It shook Ryu to the core.

"Faust, why—"

The doctor cut him off with another kiss, more forceful, that it hurt, pushing their faces together.

They were standing now. Ryu had stood up just before the new kiss. Now, he truly saw how perfect their bodies fit together, like two pieces of a puzzle.

But he couldn't get caught up in that. Not now. While was composing his inner dialogue, his arms had somehow snaked their way around Faust's waist, deepening the kiss.

No. This couldn't happen. At least…not yet. He had to know more, he had to understand first.

He pulled away quickly, looking at Faust with confusion. Once again, a phrase came from the doctors lips that worried him beyond belief.

" Am I not to your liking?"

"What do you mean, Faust?"

Part of him wished the paper door behind him would open, breaking him out of this. It was too much to handle, and he didn't even know anything yet.

"How much are you willing to pay?" The doctor asked in a small voice.

'Pay…' It hit him like a ton of bricks.

'Selling himself. Why? What would make him want to do that? Did he want to do it? Did someone force him? Why would they?' His head was full of new questions. He decided to play dumb.

"What do you mean? Pay?"

Faust raised an eyebrow, suddenly looking older. " I cannot work for free. My master says so."

"Faust, who is your master? What does he want you to do?"

"I cant tell you. I will hurt if I tell."

Ryu ran towards Faust, grabbing his shoulders.

"Tell me, Faust! You wont get hurt, I promise, Ill protect you from the bad person, I swear, I will."

Faust was shaking so much. Too much. Ryu had the sudden urge to hug him and never let go. But, he knew at that moment, getting close wasn't going to be so easy.

He saw that the doctors eyes looked fogged somehow.

'Maybe he is…'

He began to shake Faust lightly.

"Faust, wake up!"

Faust stood with the same blank look.

"Faust, you aren't thinking clearly! Come back, I need you, Eliza needs you!"

Eliza's name was like a jump-start. The fog seemed to clear, and Faust looked at Ryu, dazed.

"Mr. Ryu? What happened?" He looked around, and his eyes came to rest on one of Ryu's hands on his shoulder.

Ryu quickly took both hands back. He had to lie, and quick.

"Nothing, Faust. You were just sleepwalking."

Faust smiled. But after seeing the doctor so vulnerable, so uncovered, after hearing too much. He knew it was a fake one.

" I didn't say anything strange, did I?" He chuckled slightly.

Ryu smiled a seemingly happy smile.

"No. Nothing at all."

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A/N

If you all are confused (hopefully not), Faust had suppressed all of his bad emotions and memories, and they came out all at once, exposing his true self. So, in a way, he was sleeping. His true self had been suppressed.

And, now he is awake. But will he remember what happened? How will Ryu confront him? Will the others discover what happened? Find out, in the next installments of Inside Light!

And thanks to all who reviewed!

PLEASE REVIEW! I NEED THEM LIKE I NEED RAMEN. (And, believe you me, I do need Ramen.) Smiles


	5. Chapter 5 Nearly Telling

Inside Light: Chapter Five

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This chapter was a little shaky when I began writing it. I will explain why at the end. You all will agree with me, I am sure.

Anyway, It is true that I try to get my chapters out quickly and concisely. I hope those of you who are enjoying this appreciate it. It is quite stressful for me, but I have to do what I have to do!

Please Enjoy! And remember to review, no matter what you have to say.

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Ryu sat on the opposite side of the room from the others, on the worn wooden porch, looking up at the sun that was high in the sky. It was lunch time, and it was Yoh's turn to cook today. He never had talent before—Anna was the one who forced talent down his throat in spoonfuls.

A wide array of food items were present on the table. Sukiyaki, Sushi, Tempura, and amazingly, rice that wasn't at all burnt. Truly a Japanese meal, in every respect.

It was too bad that Ryu had lost his appetite. This would have been wonderful, he could tell by the heavenly smell.

'What the hell am I going to do…?'

Faust had let his emotions out in one big…explosion. And it was so much emotion, so much pain it seemed, that it took over his mind. And now, he was positive that he didn't remember one thing that had happened.

Not even the kiss.

Ryu sighed loudly.

" Hey, What's wrong, Ryu?"

Ryu looked up, and came face to face with Tao Len.

" You have been sitting away from the rest of us. I must say, it isn't the same without your random comments."

"Stay out of this Len. Its none of your business."

For once, Len didn't fight defeat. He scowled at Ryu, showing a bit of the old cruel Len, and nodded.

"Fine then." With that simple comment, he walked back to the others, taking his seat next to his sister.

Going back to thinking, Ryu realized that what happened the night before…was just between him and Faust. To his knowledge at least, no one else knew about it. And he was happy with that. Lucky Len didn't find out—He would use it as a taunt for the rest of his life. He could hear it now… ' Tough Ryu was practically getting his face eaten off by the psycho!'

Yeah, he was glad it was a secret.

Not that he really cared what anyone thought about him, that was really and truly the furthest thing from his mind. What he was worried about was Faust's credibility. He knew that he loved Eliza, and as of right now, so did everyone else. But if word got out to the others that Faust had been in Ryus arms all night long…

He just wanted to keep it on the down low.

Even though his dream now was telling everyone, in the middle of a warm summer day, "Yeah, I love Faust. So what? You all got something to say about it?"

Yeah, you bet…That would be nice.

Dreaming about this day, his eyes became fixed on a Dandelion. A beautiful thing, but when the air around it changes, becomes more fast paced, its beauty flies away, leaving it alone, unprotected.

He felt a tap on his shoulder. And when he looked up, expecting Yoh with a bowl of rice for him, and a big goofy smile on his face, instead, he came face to face with his love, his enigma.

"Faust, I…"

" What's wrong, Mr. Ryu?" Ryu smiled slightly when Faust sat down next to him.

'So close, but so far away…'

" Mr. Ryu, you seem bothered by something." He looked closer at him. " Care to talk?"

The white doctors jacket was back on, clean and cut a certain way, he was sure. The scars, the wounds, the bruises, were all hidden. He wondered what would happen if he ripped off the jacket right now, exposing him?

Of course, he wouldn't. But it was no harm to wonder.

" Mr. Ryu?"

" Oh, its nothing Faust. You shouldn't worry. And, just call me Ryu. No 'Mr.' necessary, really."

Faust frowned. " Forgive me. M—Ryu. Its just out of habit.

Ryu let his eyes widen slightly.

"M—Ryu, what it is? Do I have something on my face?"

Ryu wanted to say, 'Yes, I'm on your face.', and kiss him senseless. But, he decided on something sane instead.

"No, just thinking."

Faust frowned again, this time more genuinely sad. " Well, I hope you find what you need soon, Ryu."

He felt himself smile. " Me too, Faust. Me too."

------------------------------------

Jun hummed as she cleaned the dishes by hand. Anna had gotten rid of the telephone after the tournament, and it was pain enough. Not having modern conveniences really got to some of the houseguests. Most would complain about no dishwasher.

But not Jun. She found the whole process relaxing. No yelling or rowdy boys at all. They had all gone out for a while down to the shopping district. She volunteered to stay behind. Big crowds weren't for her.

Len didn't like groups of people either, but ever since he met Yoh, he had been different. More lively, more interactive…

More happy.

Jun smiled, and began scrubbing plates once again. The song she hummed was a joyful one.

------------------

" Man, did you see that game?"

" Yeah, that looks awesome!"

" We should earn some money, then we can buy it without Anna knowing."

Yoh, Horo Horo and Chocolove spoke happily on the way back from Akihabara. The crowded streets were filled with every kind of person, young, old, 'punk', 'prep', and the occasionally Lolita girl. Everyone was carefree and joyful, money in their pockets and an idea of what to buy in their heads.

Ryu, once again however, was trying to figure out an easy way to talk to Faust. I mean, you cant just walk up to a person, and say, " Hey, so, wanna tell me who raped you?"

He had to be gentle when asking, he knew that. This wasn't a police movie, where while the detective interrogated the witness, he would punch walls and throw chairs. That wasn't the way to go about it.

Faust had been silent the entire trip. When Yoh would speak to him about an exciting new video game, Faust would nod his head and smile, politely. But, he was silent, as was the case most of the time.

He almost wished he didn't know what he did about Faust. Then , he could ignore his feelings.

Too bad that wasn't the case.

Before Ryu knew it, they were back inside the gates of the house, the boys running into the back room to play some RPG's, and Ryu and Faust sitting on the front porch once again. Jun was eating noodles in the dining room, no doubt relaxing from her house duties. Anna had gone to the grocer, she had told them.

Ryu stretched, happy to feel the warmth of the sun on his skin. He only wished it was Faust's warmth he felt.

'No, no, bad thoughts, Damn you Ryu, you sly dog, dont think like that!'

Faust placed his hand on Ryus shoulder. The gang member jumped, hoping the doctor couldn't read his mind.

But, who knew?

"M—Ryu…Something is very wrong with you! You aren't laughing and joking with the others as usual."

'If you only knew Faust..'

" No, Faust, I'm…"

Faust looked at him desperately. " Come on, Ryu, tell me!" Faust sounded like a child.

" Faust, its complicated."

Faust looked at him, seriously now, prepared to stay as long as it would take to get the bottom of Ryus issue.

But, it really wasn't about Ryu, now was it?

"I'm not getting up until you tell me, Ryu."

Damn. He hated when he was right. He might as well try to ease into the conversation. What's the worse that could happen?

He didn't really want to think about it. " Well, I'm worried about someone." Faust frowned.

" Worried? Are they in some kind of trouble?"

Ryu sighed. " I guess they are." Seeing Faust's expression, he rushed to explain. " No, no, but its not real physical danger…well, its almost like…It's almost like they were in trouble. And, even though the trouble is over…Its hard to explain."

Faust looked thoughtful. The scent of Jun's cooking reached Ryu's nose, and he noticed the sun going down, slowly but surely.

" Is this person…What is your relation to this person?"

That was the million dollar question, wasn't it?

" Well, I care for them a lot…more that anyone else." Oh, God, Ryu, what are you doing? " Ive seen a side of them that no one else has. And now, I feel like…like I want to protect them."

' Ryu, come on man, he is going to find out now…'

" Oh, come on, tell me! I wont tell this person, I promise!"

Ryu took Faust's hand without thinking twice.

" Everyone! Dinners ready!"

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Sigh Well, there it is. Chapter Five. I hope you all liked it, like I said it was shaky. For a while, I was going to make it so that Len found out. But, I didn't want to diss Len, haha! I didn't want him to have a mean part.

Sorry if some of the formatting on previous chapters have been screwed up. Just getting used to things.

Thanks to all that reviewed! I hope you all continue to read. The next chapter should be up by Thursday or Friday. However, my mother is having serious surgery on Wednesday, so if it is a little late, that is most likely the reason. I want you to keep her in your prayers, if you would.


	6. Chapter 6 Close to the Surface

Chapter6 - Inside Light

Author Notes:

Hello everyone. Well, my mother is home from the hospital, but it was very serious. This chapter isn't going to be wonderful, I know, but that is because I am helping around the house quite a bit, with my mom being out of commission.

But I will continue to update, because of all of you who reviewed, even though there weren't many for the last chapter…

Please try to enjoy.

* * *

Dinner was an uncomfortable affair. Yoh and Horo Horo were the only ones holding up a conversation, talking about their lives in general, about video games, cheat codes, and how their spirits had held up after the tournament and the destruction of Hao. Ren was eating quickly, not enough time before bites to say a word. Jun was smiling, looking around the table every few seconds.

Faust had refused a meal up front. Ryu wondered if his 'almost-professed love' had really made the doctor lose his appetite. He remembered, however, that Faust almost never ate at all. Not in front of him, anyway.

His mind flashed back to picking Faust up that night, ribs jutting out too far, feeling like he was picking up something the same weight as Manta. Faust was at least five feet taller than Manta, at the very least! That was not normal.

He had gotten food himself, telling himself that he was hungry. Now, he was just pushing the food around on his plate, head held up by one hand.

Jun frowned, looking angry, and Ryu was glad he noticed before she began to talk. " What is wrong with all of you?" She banged her fist on the table, making it shake. " There have been all of these…depressing emotions around here, and it isn't going away! As they say overseas, it is the elephant in the room, and we need to talk about it!"

Everyone was silent, looking at each other with weary eyes, afraid to bring out more wrath of the green haired woman. Yoh and Horo Horo looked genuinely confused, Faust looked disinterested, and he was suprised when Ryu stood up, looking at Jun with resolve.

" Jun, I am sorry. And to everyone, I am sorry to you all as well."

Everyone looked at him, seemingly 'weirded out.'

Ryu knew that he was putting on a 'show', but he hadn't thought this far ahead. 'Gotta think, Gotta think…'

Jun looked at him, skeptical.

"Just having…a tough time. Gang related things, you understand, people getting beat up, and even killed, by rival gangs…Thats all…" He hated using his Gang Status like this, but it was his only choice.

"Would you like to be excused?" Jun sounded like she was speaking to a four year old who spilt his milk.

"Yes, please, Thank you very much." He pushed his chair in, and as he walked toward his room, gave Faust a slight wink and nod of the head.

Faust started, but understood immediately. 'I knew this conversation would come any minute..' He stood up from the table, and began walking in Ryu's direction.

" And where are you going, Faust?"

Faust turned to look at Jun, and pointed towards Ryu's room. "I'm just…umm…Emotional support!"

Jun seemed to think about his response for a moment, then nodded. " Fine, Fine, but make sure you eat tonight! You are nothing but skin and bones!"

Faust involuntarily flinched at the words, but no one seemed to notice it. " Alright, Jun. I will make sure that I do." He gave a small wave, and walked away.

Jun smiled inwardly. ' Glad that worked. Go get him, Faust. Talk things out.'

* * *

Ryu paced in his plain room, walls wooden, a bed and a small clean table all that the room held. He didn't like distractions. But he imagined, if he were a teenage girl, his room would be covered in Faust posters.

' I swear, that guy has taken over what was left of my brain.' He thought. 'How am I going to…'

Faust opened the door at just that moment, stepping in, and closing the door behind him. His face was too clear, too calm.

" What is it you want to talk about, Ryu?" Faust said disinterestedly.

Ryu looked distraught. 'Might as well come out with it. It isn't going to get any easier.'

" I want to talk about you."

Faust looked suprised. " About me? Well…what do you want to talk about?" Faust already looked nervous, twiddling his thumbs.

" I…" He felt tongue tied. " I saw you…without…"

" Without…?"

" I saw you without your jacket on."

Faust visibly paled.

" I saw…" his voice became gentle, calming, as if he had done this many times before. " I saw so many scars."

Faust pulled the jacket tighter around himself. " When did you see?" He sounded defeated.

"Its hard to explain…kind of…tough to talk about.." Ryu stuttered.

" Tell me Ryu." Faust soft voice had taken on a rather deadly tone. " Tell me when you saw them. Tell me now."

Ryu decided that he should follow orders. " Remember when I had my hands on your shoulders…The other night?"

Faust nodded. "Thats right. You said I was sleepwalking."

Ryu gulped. " Not exactly."

Faust looked at him for a moment, and Ryu could tell that he was calculating something in his head. His eyes widened suddenly, and his lowered his head to his hands. "No…"

Ryu looked shocked. " Do you know…what happened?"

Faust shook slightly. " Was I…What did I do?…What did I say…?"

Ryu sighted seeing how upset the doctor was. " You were shaking, and screaming, and—"

" Dont go on…" The doctor said, his voice cracking near the end. " Please, I know what happened. This only happened one time with Eliza, I…"

Ryu shushed him. "Shh, You dont have to say anymore. I can tell you dont want to talk about this."

Faust was silent.

Ryu looked at him sadly. He streached a bit, and got to his feet. Looking at Faust one last time, he walked, his feet hardly making a sound, to the door to leave, when Faust grabbed his hand.

Ryu turned.

The surgeon sighed shakily. " Maybe it would help if I talked to someone…about all of this.."

Ryu smiled. ' This was unexpected…But, Im just glad that I am here.'

"I'll listen, Faust."

And the door shut.

* * *

It was short and clunky, wasnt it? Listen, if you all have tips, or something bad to say, dont hesitate. This is my 1st fanfiction here, and I really want to know your thoughts.

Next chapter should be up Monday or Tuesday, maybe even earlier if I have time.

Thank you all. Review, please.


	7. Chapter 7 The first bit of Truth

**Inside Light - Chapter Seven**

A/N: Sorry this chapter is late! Life has been very hard these past few days, So I just haven't had time to type it. Actually, if you want to know the truth, I have up to Chapter Eleven written in a notebook, and a sheet of paper in my room with all the secrets of Fausts past on it. Dont you wish you could just steal it? Haha!

Also been working on my Faust Cosplay. Yeah, Thats right.

Anyway, Thank you to all who reviewed! You are all so kind, and when I see the reviews in my mailbox, it makes me want to write more and more. You are needed!

Anyway, This chapter is, of course, in Fausts POV. It was a bit difficult to write, I will admit.

Also, I have decided to do something that I have seen quite a few authors do. This chapter will be about Fausts past. Next chapter will be an interlude, showing Ryus reaction, and giving you all a chance for fluff. Then, after the interlude, more about Fausts past. I think it will run a bit smoother that way.

Anyway, ENJOY!

* * *

" I was born in Hamburg, Germany. My house was surrounded by shopping streets, castles of old, and people living day to day. My city, town then, was carefree, and the children, who went to school with me, worked hard, but with no wind of consequence if they did not. They played with friends, smiling and laughing. I could always hear and see them out of my window.

I heard them, but I was never with them. Never as part of their group. I was always alone, in my room, which may I add was a small as a prison cell. Lucky I had my window—It became everything to me, like a portal to another world, another place completely.

My father was my prime caretaker. My mother disappeared when I was very young, perhaps only four of five years of age. I was nine then, the time I am relating this story from. Word had it that she had died while giving birth to me. However, I know that to be a lie. I never found her grave. I would be able to tell if she had passed to the other world. I do still look for her, even now. Maybe not as feverishly as I had when I was a child, however.

There was a small park across from my house. When I was allowed out, I would sit under the trees, savoring the cool breeze, looking at reasons why my life was the way it was, and what it would be like if it wasn't. If I were someone else. If I were little Klaus, or little William. Not little Faust.

In Germany, a child called Faust is taboo. Looked down upon or ignored they may be, never allowed into the folds of friendship. The Faust in ancient times sold his soul to the devil for knowledge and power, and so, people even today believe that whomever is named as such will, or has, done the same thing. It was bad enough that children and unrelated adults looked down on me, but my own Father did as well, even though he was named Faust as well. Perhaps it had nothing to do with my name. He just hated me, is all.

In todays world, it is even more common, to speak of this. My days consisted of waking up early in the morning, when the sun was not yet up, preparing breakfast for my father (Not myself. God forbid, myself,) going to school, coming straight home, and doing chores and homework until I was forced to go to bed. Having friends, having fun things to do, playing games with other children—Those were not normal, not in my family. I was treated like a slave. But, something makes me think a slave would have been treated better.

I sound like I am whining. Like I am ungrateful to my father. That is not what I mean at all. Being strict is a fine thing. I have grown up okay, have I not? Okay in my eyes none the less. While I may not be normal by any means, I am kind and full of spirit at least.

I have fleeting memories of my father giving me hugs, smiling and laughing. We were inseparable, if I remember correctly. I dont know what happened to change things. But all of a sudden, just a while ago, his demeanor towards me changed. He would yell at me for what seemed like no reason at all, about simple things, like forgetting to turn a light off, or forgetting to lock a door. I would cower when he screamed, out of instinct, of course. He was my father. He was half of the reason I was alive, the whole reason I still was. Perhaps he was just angry that mother had gone. Perhaps his job as a doctor was not going well. Either way, he did have a valid excuse.

Then the beatings began. One night in September, of my ninth year.

At first, it was a slap across the face. That was fine, totally fine, it was just discipline. If that was the only way from keeping me off the wrong path, and the right way to keeping me in line, then had no choice, did he? He wanted me to follow in his footsteps, me, his only son.

The first time I met the full blunt of his fist was one cold night near the end of September. Things had been fine. However, I had forgotten to pick up something at the store (It has been so many years, I dont remember the item), my father was livid.

" I only ask you for one thing, and you cant even handle something as small as this?"

His fist met my cheek full force, I remember that clearly, and I felt the blood fill my mouth. Shock. Not anger, not fear, not sadness. Shock. However, being as naïve as I was at the time, I assumed it as a one time thing. Or, perhaps, that is only what I hoped.

Days went by. I went to school as normal. The bad thing, ( At least, the new bad thing), was that even the kids who never spoke to me, had something to say about the bruise.

" Faust, where'd you get that? Someone finally decided to try to get rid of you!"

" You deserved it, Faust!"

" Yeah, whoever did it must have been trying to kill you—Sounds good to us!"

The words stung. But, by this time, I was used to taunting and teasing. My families name was known throughout the entire country. We were unwanted, unloved, and ignored.

I couldn't miss having friends. Because I never had one. Not in my whole life. I saw children in pairs, holding hands, walking through the park, telling 'inside jokes.'

It felt like my heart was cracking.

Nine years old when all of this true thinking began. The hurt, the pain, and the most common word, as much as I abhore it,

The abuse.

The punch did seem like a one time occurrence. My life went back to some sense of normality after that, he would yell from time to time, but that I could even get used to.

Though I knew my mother was not dead, when I was young, I had piled rocks in our small, quaint backyard, as a monument to her ( I dont like the word grave.) Through school, chores, and my constant overworking and tormenting mind, I had nearly forgotten why it was there. However, in this time of confusion, I had a jolt of memory. One evening, when my father was late home from work, I stepped out into the backyard, kneeled in front of my own handmade alter, and spoke. I still remember exactly what I said.

"Mother…To be honest with you, Father is frightening me. I'm scared, mom. I dont know what to do. I know, I have to be strong, so that I can find you. But, he scares me. Kids scare me. And…right now…I scare myself. Help me mother…Help me live."

* * *

A/N : Before I hear this--- " Where was Eliza?" --- I would like to remind you all again….It is AU. Now, dont worry, our favorite nurse will be showing up, but it will take a while for me to work her into the story in my different way.

I am not sure about this chapter, I cant wait to read the reviews I get. And dont worry—The next interlude is full of innuendo, if you know what I mean.

Im sorry for it being short, but I promise, the next chapter (After the interlude) about Fausts past...Well, I think it is some of the best writing I have ever done.

Please Review!


	8. Chapter 8 Pain Discovered

Inside Light : Chapter Eight

A/N : Sorry for the long wait, life is pretty jam packed right now. I just saw Final Fantasy: Advent Children. So, after typing up this chappie of Inside Light, I'm going to post a short FF poem through the eyes of Kadaj. So, check that out as well, if you like.

ALSO, The interlude will be after this chapter. I wanted to give you all, the readers, a bit more insight into Fausts past before I gave you all the interlude.

Anyway, Maybe it is short, But I hope you enjoy.

* * *

My father started to lose money.

A new doctor had moved into our city of Hamburg, who seemed to have more credibility in the profession. He had come from France—Many of the women only went to him for his good manners and even better looks. It had nothing to do with how long he had gone to medical school.

Father tried to advertise more, to meet more people, to seem like the better person. But, in all actuality, everyone knew that my father was short tempered, and a bit cruel when it came to humans themselves, not just their stupidity and ignorance. This outsider was kind hearted one hundred percent of the time.

Personally, I liked him too. I had seen him around the town—He was always smiling and laughing, with the kindest eyes I had ever seen.

But, God Forbid I let my father know that.

Life got tougher because of this. My father had few faithful patients, and in all truth, his practice was in danger of going under. I knew it as well as he did. I also knew that when adults lost money, they turned to different forms of comfort than children did. So, I wasn't suprised when more and more alcohol started to appear in our cooler.

Thinking about it, I didn't know why alcohol was seem as a bad thing. It seemed to solve adults problems, at least on television commercials. Only when it came into our home did I see what it was really like, and what effects it really had.

I admitted to being a homebody very early on. I preferred being curled up in an armchair, reading a novel, then being out at parties and get together with other kids my age. There was comfort in being able to stay home. There was safety in that choice.

But when the choice was taken away, its safety was lost. It was tyranny. What I mean by this is…My father began to force me to stay home.

It began as him wanting me to stay home from school for a day to help clean out the attic. That I could handle. I could very easily make up the work I would miss from one day of school.

But then, he would keep me home for days at a time, saying simply that he " just didn't want me to be out."

"But why, Father? I have to go—Its law! Besides, I have homework due, and—"

"I do not care! You will do what your father tells you to do!"

"Mother would want me to go! She would want me to try hard and do well, wouldn't she?"

I knew it was a mistake to bring up mother. My fathers face seemed to go purple, mid length blonde hair falling into his face in damp strands.

" Don't you bring up that harlot. Don't you dare, do you hear me?" I nodded at his tone, though I didn't agree. " I don't want to hear anything relating to that woman in this house!"

I was angry. I was upset. I noticed the uninterested tone and disinvolvement his voice took on when he said 'woman.' My mind told me to let it go, 'He is just upset that she is gone, he doesn't know what he is saying…'

But I didn't listen to that part of my mind.

"How could you say that! She is your wife, she is my mother! How could you not care!"

I felt the sting on my cheek. My father had moved his hand so fast that I didn't even see it. My head had turned from the force of the blow, and I imagined my cheek turning cherry red where he had smacked it.

The next second, I waited for my father to speak, to reprimand me. Instead, I felt the collar of my shirt, my clean white shirt, being tugged. I followed it, against my will, up the stairs, and into my 'room.'

My father, the reason for this, threw me on the wooden floor. He stood over me, and looking up, the only thing I saw was anger in his blue eyes. For some reason, my mind focused on his clothing, perhaps to cover fear—He dressed sharply, White shirt, Brown pants and shoes. I saw him reach down to remove his dark brown belt. My mind felt numb.

" Ill teach you not to talk back to me…"

I felt my shirt being torn from my body, the buttons popping as it was ripped off. The cold air rushed over me, and my small skeletal frame shivered uncontrollably.

The first lash of the belt upon my back only felt like a bee sting. And for a split second, I made a rational thought.

'I can handle this…I can get through this.'

Then the second lash came.

It came on the same place the first one had.

Fire was spreading though me, igniting my nerves, making tears run down my face without me even thinking. I was too shell-shocked to talk. I was too weak to scream.

The third time. The fourth time. The fifth. The sixth. The seventh…

Again and again and again, it came down. I felt the wetness on my back, the stick blood flowing freely now.

I didn't scream or yell. However, I remember…moaning, trying to talk, not being strong enough, just moaning…

The reign of terror ended. The whip stopped. The only words that came from my fathers mouth were, " Don't leave this room."

The coldness of his words ran through me. I had been rejected by society, by children, all of them. And now, in this moment, I realized. My own father had abandoned me too.

I whispered, still laying on my stomach.

" I'm a bother. They don't love me. He doesn't love me."

I felt the lump in my throat, the painful lump that comes right before you sob, right before you let your emotions out. However, even then, I didn't want to cry. I didn't want it to get to me. I wanted to be strong, because mom would have wanted me to be strong. I knew that.

But I wasn't strong.

And curled up in a ball, bloody puddle surrounding me, I cried myself into an unpeaceful sleep.

* * *

A/N : Next, the interlude. I will update soon, I promise.

READ AND REVIEW, PLEASE.


	9. Interlude One

Inside Light

Interlude One

* * *

A/N : Yes, this is the first interlude. I expect MANY reviews telling me how to improve? You will right? Because I would for you if you asked!

Anyway, I hope you enjoy. Once again, a bit short, but the chapter after this one is the best one yet, In my opinion. I really put all my skills to the test!

Enjoy!

I AM TRYING THESE INTERLUDES IN RYU'S POV. He will be a little OOC in his mind. If you don't like the way it is done, than I will remove and redo it. But I wont know unless you review!

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His hand was still in my own. During the talk, it seemed as though I had memorized it, every line, every fine detail. In the middle, the part about his mothers grave of small stones, I had gripped it hard, not wanting to let go, not wanting to leave him behind.

A feeling of cold had swept over me, making me want to get a blanket, making me want to curl up alone to think about all of this. But I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't let him go.

I realized the room itself was silent. I also realized that Faust's hand, ever so slightly…was trembling.

As I looked up at him, he noticed Faust's head turn away. I lifted my free hand to put it on the soft skin of his face. He turned slowly to look into my eyes with the beautiful orbs he had, and suddenly, I felt so inferior. I was just me, Ryu, what could I do for him? What made me good enough to be here right now with him?

I noticed with a shock that Faust wasn't crying. I saw that his eyes were wet, but tears weren't flowing down his face like I was so used to. But, that didn't change how hard all of this was for him. I could see the strain, the tears in his eyes threatening to spill at any moment.

I admitted to having flinched quite a bit throughout the confession. When his father punched him, even for the first time, I had a sudden urge to find the man, hoping he was still alive, so that he could be the one to kill him. I wanted to scream and curse at the top of my lungs…I didn't want to imagine anyone laying a hand on Faust.

I looked back at Faust, saying all I could. " I don't know what to say, Faust…That is…" I had wanted to say terrible, or horrible. But that didn't cover it. No, it really didn't. I still felt like a moron, though, for not finishing my sentence.

"Ryu, may I…"

"Yes, what is it?" My heart was fluttering. I couldn't make it stop.

" I just want to take a break…Just for a few minutes…"

I nodded. " Of course, Faust. You take all the time you need." I didn't want to clue him onto the fact that I needed a break too. All of this was really taking its toll…On both of us.

Faust nodded, expression on his face similar to Ryu's. It changed quickly though, as Ryu felt the doctors face in the crook of his neck, followed by wetness, the wetness of bitter tears.

Fausts hand had broken from my own. Now, the surgeons arms were around me, and I couldn't help but put my arms around his waist, his thin waist, too thin.

So, we sat, each sob of Faust's ripping though me like lightning. I wanted to fight this, wanted to stop this, take all of the bad memories away and replace them with good ones, with me.

I held on as tight as I could manage, the silence of the room, of what seemed to be the entire house, was broken every few seconds by a choking, painful sob. I felt my own eyes getting a bit moist—But I blinked them back. I had to be strong.

After what might have been half an hour, Fausts sobs stopped completely. My neck was still wet from the outburst, and I still felt the doctors eyelids brushing against my skin every time he blinked, making me shiver. He held onto me, not wanting this moment to end. I didn't either. But, then, with him being so close…It flashed through my mind.

_Faust looking up at me from a bed, naked body showing scars with no embarrassment._

_Myself, Ryu, laying gentle kisses over his neck and chest, leaving small marks, not of pain, but of love and trust._

_Making love to him, making a deep connection, making sure he knew that he was there, making sure that he knew his feelings were real._

I blinked and shook my head slightly. That thought wasn't real…yet, at least…Not yet. Maybe someday…It could come true.

But for now, I had to focus on learning the rest.

I gently pushed Faust away, my hands on his bony shoulder, looking at him intently. I took my hand, and like something out of a paperback romance novel, brushed his tears away.

" Do you know what, Faust?"

He shook his head at me lightly, and even from the few words he spoke, I could hear the strain.

" No…What, Ryu..?"

" Its all over now."

Faust looked at me, and from the look on his face, I was sure that he would cry again. But, he must have held that in well, and he nodded. " I know…"

" I understand it is painful for you to think about it, Faust, I know. Well, I guess I shouldn't say 'I know', I never had anything like this happen to me…" I spoke the last part quietly.

Faust, to my suprise, smiled lightly. 'God, I wish you would smile more.'

"Consider yourself so lucky, Ryu. Did you have a father and mother? At home with you, I mean…?"

Ryu heard the necromancers voice crack when he said 'father', but he paid it no mind.

" Well, mom was around a lot. Loved me to pieces. But dad…" I saw Faust look at me, horrified for a moment, but I quickly continued. " Dad left right after I was born. Never saw him."

Faust look relieved. I shook my head—He had never hated his own father. He figured if he had left, he must have had a damn good reason.

Faust put his head down, eyes on the carpet. "I'm…sorry."

I couldn't stand hearing him say that. I picked his head up, my hand on his chin.

"No, Faust. Dont you dare say your sorry. I'm fine. Your the one who—"

Silence. I had a shaking suspicion that I had just said something really dumb.

Faust only looked at me, his expression unreadable. "I'm the one with the problems. I'm the psycho."

"No, Faust, I wasn't going to--!"

"Yes, you were Ryu. You were going to say that!" Faust seemed inconsolable now. I mentally kicked myself in the balls—How could I do that? By now, I was barely listening, letting myself go blank inside. All I was really focused on were Faust's beautiful, pouty, and slightly feminine lips.

" Ryu, you know you were going to say—"

The kiss was sudden, yet expected. It was gentle, and mindful, yet dominating and oppressive. I was frightened now. This was only step one, but what was step two? I hadn't even thought about it.

I debated for a moment, but in the end, I pulled away, albeit slowly, tugging on Faust's loser lip as I did. I was still only two inches away from Faust's face, looking into the abyss of his sorrowful eyes.

"I'm sorry Faust, I—"

Faust put both hands on the sides of my face and leaned in for another kiss, sweet, tasting like strawberries. I felt like a chick being swept of my feet, and I ran my tongue over his top lip, asking for entrance.

He let me in.

I had bad thoughts running though my head—no, not perverted—Thoughts that Faust had gone back to his other state, back into his mind. But the intensity of it proved him wrong, as his tongue entwined with the doctors, their eyes closed in ecstasy.

After a few seconds feeling nothing but pleasure, I felt my hands moving on their own, pulling his doctors coat down off his shoulders, exposing the beautiful shining skin underneath.

Faust froze.

I paused, mentally screaming at himself for being so foreword. I drew my lips away, sadly, from Fausts, and put the coat back on, then put my hands in my lap, head bowed.

Faust spoke softly. I looked up at him, the light coming through the windows focusing on Faust as if he were an angel.

" That was…"

Ryu thought of how that sentence would end. 'Terrible…Cruel…Hurtful…One of those…'

"…nice…"

I couldn't believe it.

"N…Nice? You really…liked that?" I expected him to bolt out the door by now.

Faust put his head down, and in the close distance, I could almost feel the sadness he emitted, and the hope.

"You touch me, and I feel…I dont feel scared…"

I couldn't even express how happy I was to hear this. So I was good enough to be there, I was worthy.

" Thats…I told you I wouldn't hurt you…"

He shook his head. I was confused. " No, Ryu, you don't understand…Even when Yoh and Horo walk by and graze my arm…When anyone touches me, **anyone**.."

I was amazed.

" It hurts when they touch me…But not you Ryu…you are different.."

I was quiet. For a few minutes. And then , I worked up the nerve.

"Than, could you let me…Can I hold you? While you tell me more?"

The doctor seemed to remember why they were there in the first place, and his expression sombered. But, he nodded to my suprise and happiness, and I opened my arms. He sat in my lap, and I spooned him gratefully.

"Tell me Faust…"

And he spoke again.

END INTERLUDE

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A/N: THANKS TO ALL OF YOU WHO ARE FAITHFUL TO THIS STORY! It is so appreciated, its why I continue. And, if it isn't too much trouble, please read my new Poem for FF7, As I see the Sun and review it!

And of course, tell me what you thought of this too!

READ AND REVIEW!


	10. Chapter 9 Lost

Inside Light - Chapter Nine : Lost

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A/N : Sorry if this chapter was a bit late. I am very busy right now, with school and some other things. 

The name of this chapter, while fitting, is also a tribute to LOST on ABC. For those of you who haven't gotten interested in it, I highly recommend renting the DVDs at your nearest Video Store. Wow…It is really amazing. I am actually planning a short fic for it right now!

Thanks so much to:

Handmaiden of Foamy

One Broken Wing

Nameless Transparency - Wow…That is so kind of you. Thank you so much!

Upper Torso

And, many others for reviews on previous chapters. They are so amazing and helpful to me. So, please, make sure to always review.

I am very proud of this chapter…And I hope you will enjoy it.

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I never knew that October day was going to be the last day I got to really experience the outside world. 

Now, I was kept up in my room. I was let out twice a day to go to the bathroom. I could only look out of my window longingly, as I had done long ago, when I was younger, seeing children laughing and playing.

My father only told me that I was locked up for being a bad boy. A sinful boy. That if I wanted to see my mother, to talk to her, to feel her hold me like a mother should…

Then I might as well be dead.

He said I should be grateful for all that he had done for me.

Funny. I could have sworn he was my parent. I thought that drafted him as someone who would take care of me, love me. I suppose I was wrong.

I was always laying on my bed. Every time I would take the time to notice where I was, every time I would be aware of my surroundings, I was on my back, staring at the ceiling. I realized that I could have been staring out the window—It would be more entertaining.

But, it was far too sad to constantly look upon what I couldn't have. What I couldn't join in. Children making snowmen, snow angels, talking about their schools and friends.

And I was alone.

I started to feel bitterness. Hatred. Thats right, I began to hate all of the children I saw. They had such full lives, such complete lives. Whenever their parents would pick them up from the part, they would run into their arms, happy to see them, feeling safe with them and their smiling faces.

And I felt like screaming.

* * *

Days passed. Sometimes, I would guess the date, although I knew I must be far off. 

The beatings would happen everyday, I knew that much. I would make tally marks on the wall, for every beating I would receive. I used my fingernails…I called them proof marks, because each one was more proof that Dad didn't love me…That no one loved me. He never loved me. He thought of me like everyone else did.

Blood flowing down your skin almost feels like water, if you focus hard enough. Every time I felt it flowing off my back and onto the floor, I would shut my eyes, and imagine that I was in a beautiful rainforest, where no one could find me. And the water dripping off of my back…Those were dew drops, coming off the leaves above my head, in the canopy. Tropical birds flew around above me, and everything seemed so peaceful.

Then I would open my eyes, and see the dingy room, and realize it was all just in my head.

My shirt had been taken from me the first night I was confined to my room. Maybe the whip is more effective on just skin.

All I knew was that it was October in Germany, and I knew from expirience that nights got cold. When the sun went down, the shivering would start. It wouldn't stop until the sun was high in the sky the next day.

I noticed some marks beginning to scar, the ones on my arms from the whip. I realized that if I ever moved on, if I ever moved away and had another life, a new life, the scars would still be there. Even, if in ten years, I had a wife, and even young children, and my life was as perfect as it could be…I could look at one scar, and I knew that the memories would come back.

It scared me so bad that I couldn't escape. I couldn't escape the pain, everyday I would remember my worthlessness, my pitifulness, my pulsing sadness.

The thought drove me insane.

I didn't want it to happen that way.

I didn't mention before, that the belt I was always assaulted with was studded. Not with shiny things, no, no, my father wouldn't wear that. But around the outside edges were small…spikes, that is only word I can think of to describe them. Too small, and too blended into the blackness that not many noticed they were even there. I didn't know if he had it for a long time before all this, or if he had bought it 'just for me.'

Maybe I didn't want to know. Maybe I could hole onto the hope that he was too inebriated to know what he was doing.

I really did lie to myself. I know better now.

The belt must have been cheap, not very well made. Every now and then. A spike would fall off. Either they would get embedded in my back, or they would fall onto the floor around me. While they weren't too expensive, I guessed, they weren't dull either. They were like bee stings times ten, all over me.

Of the ones on the floor, and ones I was able to get out of my back someday or another, I had eight of them. All lined up in a row on the floor, they were. I had gotten quite good at sitting up and biting back the pain that wanted a scream to erupt from my throat. I could deal with the pain. My father wouldn't get any screams out of me.

I had always read a lot of books. Usually, not to my immediate intention, they were all dramatic. Maybe something drew them to me. Takes of blood and death always attracted me.

I couldn't understand why, then.

Either way, early on in my life, I had read about a young girl. She had lost both her mother and father in some kind of accident, and she was all alone, in a terrible sounding orphanage. When the people there forced her work, and clean, and cook all of the time, she ended up killing herself.

She broke a window, took a piece of the broken glass, and stabbed her wrist. I heard from many people around town that you were supposed to slit them. Then it is just like falling asleep, into your own dreams.

You dont have to wake up.

All I needed was something sharp. And I had it.

Eight of them, to be exact.

I was hesitant to do it. I was a coward, not fit to kill myself. I thought, 'maybe soon, all of this will be over. Maybe I will have a good life soon.'

Then I heard my father stomping around downstairs, and all doubt was gone from my brain.

The first slit wasn't deep. Just small. I trailed it down as far as my elbow, thin trail of blood not spilling over. It hurt, of course it did…but only a little. Not as much as when he would beat me.

My mind felt numb then.

I stopped and looked at what I had done. Red, the color tulips in the summer sun, beautiful, but ready to dissapear any day.

" Please, God, let me die…"

This time, I took the girls advice, and stabbed the spike deep into my wrist, the center of it, and pulled it down. I swore that I could feel veins popping and spurting as I did. Disgusting. Just like me.

I stopped. There was not a small stream anymore, but a rapid of blood, falling out of my body, staining the floor, leaving me behind, as I wished it to.

All of a sudden, the world swam before my eyes. I fell backwards, feeling as though my bones had been replaced with gelatin.

I scarcely heard my fathers footsteps coming up the many stairs. And I smiled to myself.

'This is what he would have wanted. He will be so happy…I hope I have made you proud father…'

That was all I remember thinking. I heard the door open, and that was all.

* * *

I was pronounced dead for two minutes. 

My father had found me, and had immediately called the ambulance, and as the hospital was close, it came in a quick manner. I hear that they picked me up, put me on a gurney, and hooked me up to all these gadgets , all inside the medical car. I breathed, and the blood continued to leak through the bandages they had placed there.

The Emergency Room. They pushed me in there, filled with harsh light, my closed eyes flinching beneath them.

I did see a light, but a different kind of light. A great circular, calming light, that seemed, even without voice, to be a great women, inviting me into her boson, as a mother would. At least I imagined.

My heart stopped. Of course, I did not notice this myself. I was within what Buddhists would call Nirvana, a calm, peaceful ultimate state. It is only what I was told after the situation was over.

I heard that long beep of the monitor.

Surreal.

Two minutes. It was two minutes before I was revived. Still hard to imagine that to this day. I died. I was right in what I did. It was not to waste. The spilt blood was not to waste. I had almost succeeded.

But I did not succeed.

I was pulled back from my calm death, that had filled me with a happiness I had never known before.

I was kept in the hospital for a few weeks after the fiasco. No sharp objects around at all. None. The nurses, kind women with chubby faces and round bodies, would check on me every once in a while, smiling. But I knew that they knew who I was. I knew the smiles were for show, to show the 'cared', so that I wouldn't do it again. So I wouldn't be bad again.

It was a kind gesture, is all. They weren't related to me. They weren't my mother. They couldn't tell me what I could and couldn't do. If I wanted to go home and do it again, feel the sting and the light, floating feelings. I could.

The problem in the hospital was the deafening silence. It was quite empty, and I was in a private room. All day, silence. Not the wings of a bug, the chirping of a Lark—I could hear none of it.

My father had not visited me once, even after three long weeks. I had been informed that he had come in numerous times to pay medical bills directly

I felt sick. I was costing him money. I knew that his business was failing, I knew that he didn't have the funds that he once did. So, why was here? I was fine, I didn't need to be here.

At that moment, the nurse (the one I liked the most) walked into my room, in her immaculate white nurses outfit, that was regulation to wear. She was silent as she walked over to my bed, smiling as gently as a summer breeze. She came to my bedside, and looked at me with angel eyes, blue and wide and shimmering. And she spoke to me, as I looked at her name tag. 'Gretel…'

"Now, Faust," When she said my name, she said it more quietly then the other words, as if she were scared of being overheard. " Do you truly think you are ready to go home?"

I considered the question, but not for too long. "Yes, Yes I do. I know that what I did was horribly wrong. I just…lost myself for a minute. I won't do it again. I have too much to live for. I realize that now."

Gretel smiled. " Tell me…Like what?"

I thought up some lies quick. " For…my friends, and for my studies! I want to succeed in life."

I winced inwardly at how fake that sounded.

Gretel nodded, and I noticed the suspicious look on her face. " While examining you…we found…"

I felt like throwing up.

" Tell me…Where did you get those wounds?"

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Well, that was a roller coaster. PLEASE REVIEW. I want to know how I did. 

Those of you who know me personally know that I have to have music while I write. So, the music plays a big part on how the chapters come out.

READ AND REVIEW! Next time will be another interlude.


	11. Interlude Two

Inside Light: Interlude 2

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Bad Author Note: Sorry I am so late on this everyone! Life has been tough—End of the grading period at school, working on a screenplay and worrying about my TMJ and root canal. But, I'm back with a rather short, but hopefully well done chapter.

I didn't get many reviews…That make me sad. TT But, I hope I will after this.

Read and Enjoy!

(((3rd Person POV this time, for a change.)))

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Ryu admitted to have been kissing Faust on the head, and a few times on the neck during the talk. But, as news of the abuse got worse, he had to stop, for his shock was far too great to do anything but process the terrifying information he had been given.

He gladly gave Faust breaks in the middle of his horrid story. Truth be told, he needed the breaks just as much. It was a lot to hear about the one you love. To hear how much his Faust suffered…It made him more angry and upset than he had ever been.

What scared him now was the doctors silence and stillness. He embraced the doctor, who was still in his lap, tighter, but now knowing of the wounds he had obtained a long time ago, part of his irrational thought kept him from holding too tightly. He didn't want to open old wounds or cause old pain again now.

Ryu took his chance, and kissed Faust on the neck softly, and after doing this, Faust finally turned his head too look Ryu in the eyes. Surprisingly, he was not crying, nor were there any unshed tears in his eyes. However, there seemed to be a shadow, a dark, overwhelming sad shadow, the haunting beings and memories of the Germans past.

He brushed the blonde hair out of Fausts face, and leaned foreword, kissing his cheek and not his lips, as he feared he would ruin the trust Faust had bestowed with him.

He felt Faust squeeze his hand tightly. He whispered.

" Thank you for being here with me."

Ryu smiled at him, weakly, as he was tired from what he had learned. And he know that…What was to come was probably more terrible.

He felt bad that pity and sympathy was what strengthened there relationship. But, that was what had happened, weather he liked it or not, so he should learn to live with it. Fausts life was traumatic, and how own was not. He could help. He could reach out.

He was, and he would in the future as well.

Ryu carefully, very slowly, turned the doctors left wrist over, and pulled the sleeve of the medical uniform down, exposing his pale wrist. He felt tears grow in his eyes as he ran his finger down one of the scars. He felt Faust shiver as he did so, and the Doctor closed his eyes, laying back against Ryu, looking pitiful.

Ryu pulled his sleeve back over his wrist, and wrapped his arms around Fausts waist tightly, his face buried in his hair, taking in his scent.

Faust spoke lightly. " The lack of oxygen to my lungs and to the rest of my body…Turned my lips to turn purple." He smiled, and Ryu felt his heart ache.

Ryu turned Fausts head to look at the lips once more. He thought they were beautiful in their own unique way. He thought they were amazing. To know their color came from death, close to death…

It made his sick that every time Faust looked in the mirror, he saw the lips colored by suicide.

Ryu leaned foreword once again, this time bold enough to kiss Fausts lips gently, mindingly, then pull away.

" You are so beautiful, Faust. There is nothing wrong with you."

Faust shook his head, and looked away from Ryu, eyes focusing on something unknown. " No, I'm not. I'm ugly. I'm tainted. I shouldn't be alive."

Ryu was suprised at Fausts depressing yet heartfelt words, and he had to keep himself from smacking the doctor for being so harsh on himself.

He kept himself in check, and decided to invite Faust off of his lap. They sat facing each other, still, and Ryu spoke, trying not to be shy.

" I don't know why you say you are ugly…You are the most beautiful being I have ever seen." The gang member felt himself blush, and he could sense Fausts familiar shock. Ryu tried not to get too caught up in Fausts moderately lit eyes. " I don't know why you think so low of yourself. You have done nothing wrong. You are too important to me. You are…" He lowered his head. " You are everything to me."

Faust looked like he was sick. Ryu imagined that this was a lot for the doctor to take in in such short time.

" Lets see if you keep those feelings after I tell you what happens next." The doctor seemed to take on a different air, as he pulled his knees to his chest, and wrapped his arms around them.

Ryu spoke angrily. " Nothing can change my feelings for you, Faust…Believe that!"

He couldn't hear exactly what Faust said next, but it sounded like " God, I hope so…"

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A/N : Short I know…But I am sick right now—I'm supposed to be in bed. Interludes are supposed to be short! I am giving you warning for the next chapter—This is when things got really bad for Faust. It could get graphic, so keep the kiddies away!

Thanks, and REVIEW!


	12. Chapter 10 Back There

Inside Light: Chapter Ten

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Bad Author Notes : Wah! I am so sorry that this is late. I started work a few days ago, and I have school, among other things…Misery, I'm telling you! But, you dont want to hear my excuses..

Reviews have been DROPPING. But, for those of you who did review, thank you so much, it means a lot. Please continue to read and review, it helps me.

Anyway, this chapter is…Well, you will just have to tell me what you think. Make sure to go back to the end of Chapter 9 to refresh your memory.

Enjoy!

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" Faust…where did you get those wounds?"

I felt my eyes water. I couldn't lie, Dad wouldn't want me to lie. But if I didn't lie now, and told her that he did it, he would get in trouble, and…

But, Maybe…That means…maybe they would take him to jail. Hurting your child…They could arrest someone for that, right?

I felt ashamed even thinking about that. How could I turn in my own father? There was no way.

But looking into this womans face, I knew it was what I had to do, even though it hurt more than anything to hear it come from my own lips.

" Well…my…my dad was having a bad day, and—"

"Your father did this to you?"

"…Yes…"

There was a silence, and all I could hear was my own breathing for a moment.

" Why would you lie like that?"

I was confused. Lie? But I was telling the truth now! I was going to lie, but…I couldn't! Those eyes, that coaxing way about her, I couldn't have lied!

"…But, he did, Gretel—"

" You should call me Mrs.! Do you not have any manners?"

I was scared. It was like a mean trick. I thought she was kind, how could I be so wrong?

"I…I'm Sorry…"

"You should be!" Her voice lowered a bit from the slight shout. " Dr. Faust has gone a long way, from a disgusting member of _that _family, to a very prestigious and hardworking Doctor! I can see you won't be so lucky." She looked away, mumbling. " Lying about your father like that…Shame on you!"

I put my head down, knowing I was giving up easily, but also knowing that I didn't have much chance of getting through to her.

"Now, I am sending you home tommorow, all right?" She grinned, but I could tell how forced it was.

She walked out, not looking back. I thought to myself what a strange occurance it had been. Usually, even I could be a good judge of character. She had been nice, It seemed to me.

Guess she was like all the others. Only treading lightly around one of the Fausts…Or, our more common reference—Demons.

* * *

So, they sent me home. Back to my tiny room, back to my tiny house, and back to my father.

He picked me up from the hospital the day I was discharged. He didn't yell then, nor did he say a word. That is really what scared me—The silence in the car. He never looked at me, not once. Maybe I didn't want him to look at me. But maybe part of me wished that he cared, even just a tiny bit.

When we got home, and I stepped foot into my house, I wished that I were back in the hospital.

I hate to sound like a television psychic, but I felt an aura from the house that wasn't good. I walked through the kitchen, and I found the reason why.

Beer cans and wine bottles littered the floor, overflowing from even the garbage can and also covering the wooden countertop.

" See what you made me do, you little shit?" I turned quickly to see him standing in the doorway. "Because of your little tantrum, I've had no one to take this…anger out on." His voice had switched to father-like mode, but his words were still as harsh. " I'll just have to keep you here. I don't want you to run away. I need you here." He patted my head, and all I could realize were how slurred some of his words were. I was too scared to move.

I wished that he would do the same thing he did before. That way, I could gather the spikes once more, and try again, and this time, I would make sure that they couldn't bring me back.

My wish did anything but come true.

There was a reign of punches. There were angry kicks, and I could hear his voice, poisonous to me, in the background, like the soundtrack of my life.

It must have lasted hours.

I felt my nose break, I felt flames going through my body. And before it was over, he did what I wanted to beg him not to.

He grabbed my wrist. My scarred wrist.

I screamed in agony. I couldn't have held it in.

He yanked my arm behind me, in such an…unnatural angle..

I heard by shoulder pop, and then a sharp cracking sound.

I didn't even have the energy to scream anymore.

He let me go, and I fell to the kitchen floor, now covered in my own blood, holding in my tears, my sobs, my heart.

"That will teach you. You even think about trying that again," He picked me up by my now shattered arm. The pain can't be described in words. "I'll break your other arm. And we will see what happens after that, won't we?"

He winked at me.

I cant remember a time, before or after that moment, when I was more frightened. It wasn't fear of what he had already done, it was fear of what he was capable of doing in the future.

When I thought it was over, it went on, to something as terrible.

He dragged me up to 'my room.' By my now mangled, bruised, and broken arm.

I screamed, and screamed, and I remember my screams turning into little moans, and little whimpers. I begged for it to stop, I begged and begged. I didn't care if he thought I was weak, I didn't care, I just wanted it to stop. Up the stairs…

I was thrown into my room, and the door was slammed. I couldn't help it, I couldn't be a man. I sobbed, and I sobbed, my body shuddering. Every time it would shudder, my broken arm would quiver as well, and it would send arrows of pain through me. But I couldn't stop crying, and the pain only made me cry more.

What was I going to do?

I lay on the hard floor for what seemed like days, trying not to move, maybe, like an animal in the wild, trying to play dead.

Maybe if I did that, he wouldn't hurt me anymore.

My mind raced, packed full of ideas I couldn't even fathom carrying out. I realized what I truly wanted to do.

I wanted to escape. To run away from this place, to just go, and not even think about where I was going.

But, while the dream was truly a dream, and my heart fluttered happily at the thought of never being in this house again, I couldn't think of how it could ever happen.

My window didn't open. Never, it never did. And now, with only one arm functional, I doubt trying to open it would do me any good. My door was always locked, I knew that as well.

But, what if…

I got to my feet. I felt the scream of agony about to erupt from my throat from jostling my bruised and battered body, but I bit my tongue and held it in. I didn't want to wake my father, not ever, but especially not now.

I tasted the blood from my tongue quickly filling my mouth. I swallowed, wincing at the taste, bitter, and unwanted.

I limped to the door, walking lightly and slowly as to not move my arm more than I had to. I reached the door, and put my hand on the knob.

I prayed quietly. I asked my mother and the Almighty to grant me luck and strength. I hoped that my father had been too drunk to remember…

'Please…'

I turned the knob.

The door creaked open.

I smiled brightly, walking out of the room, looking around quietly, and quickly. I saw and heard no sign of him being awake.

The door being open must have been a sign, I had thought to myself. 'Must be a sign that I can't stay here. Not anymore.'

I began my slow trek down the stairs. I didn't hold onto the handrail, I only walked quietly, and yet quickly near the bottom, anxious to get away.

When I had finally reached the bottom, and I had the front door in sight, my fear came true.

I heard the door above me squeak. Squeak as if it were opening.

I heard a groan.

I felt my legs turn to Jell-O. I ran to the door, fidgeting with the lock with my good hand. I kept on slipping, a sweaty palm, but I continued, looking back every few seconds.

" Boy! YOU GET BACK HERE!"

My heart was racing, and I thought it would explode if it went on. I felt like I couldn't breath.

I pushed the door open, and ran into the cold night, not looking back, only hearing the curses and yells of my fathers evil voice.

I was free. For the time, anyway…

* * *

This chapter was VERY hard to write. Once again, I am sorry. I will update sooner from now on. IF YOU UPDATE, THAT IS. I BEG YOU GUYS!

Hope you liked it .


	13. Chapter 11 The Start

Inside Light - Chapter 11

* * *

Bad Author Notes: I am SO sorry everyone…Many bad things have been happening…I just couldn't get around to typing this. I know this is short, but it is something. I will update again, with a longer chapter, before Christmas. When I did have some free time, I was working on my Rent and Harry Potter fanfics. So sorry!… 

Leaving for Germany in 5 days, but I have a computer there too. So dont worry.

Please enjoy…

* * *

My arm had gone nearly numb from the cold. I only felt the shock of pain every few steps, instead of every single one. If it had been the case, I would have been dead long before now. 

I ran, ran past restaurants, shops, and bars…Some had the lights still on, and some had 'closed' signs on the doors. I noticed this because I was searching. Searching for Sanctuary. One place looked like my only chance—At the long row of shops, I saw hope. A coffee shop, nearing the river. Not questioning anything, I ran inside.

It was small. The smell was heavenly—a mix of Dark Chocolate and of smoke and steam. Brown walls, a black runner around the top—It was small, as I said before, and so dark.

Everyone in it was a child.

I realized this, shocked. Eight…Nine…Ten, maybe even more children. They all looked at me, but as I met a few of their eyes, I realized they were not suprised. They looked at me nonchalantly, not seeming to give my rattled, bloody and broken appearance a second thought.

So many questions ran through my head as I saw this. 'Why don't they care?' I started. I thought I sounded silly. ' Of course they don't care, when have they ever? Why would the change now? They are happy. Happy about this.'

I had run into the coffee shop quickly. No one had said a word the entire time.

I backed up slowly, my hand reaching for the doorknob. I found it, and turned it, trying to be quiet as I did so.

" Hey, wait."

A tall boy in the back stood up. He looked a bit older—I guessed seventeen or eighteen. I realized that the children were wearing tight clothing, things that they normally wouldn't wear. Of course, being so young and still naïve, I didn't make a connection until a lot later on.

This boy…This sounds odd, but he was the first pre-teen crush I ever had. He had black hair, and what seemed to be green eyes, though the light may have had something to do with the super human glint I saw in them. He dressed in a long black coat, and shorts, that I could tell were black as well. His feet were bare, and my eyes were drawn to the bruises I saw around his ankles.

As he walked towards me, the gravity and injustice of my situation hit me.

I realized how scared I was.

I didn't want him near me. I didn't want anyone near me. I wanted to be alone, to cry, to scream as loud as I could. But, if I cried, would I get in trouble? Would he hit me? Would my father find me? Could I escape?

I ran.

I opened the door and ran as fast as my legs could.

I heard footsteps behind me. Were they my fathers? Were they the police? Would my father send police officers to find me?

No. How silly.

And I heard the footsteps get closer. And closer.

'Please don't catch me, please, no, I'll do anything, God, please…'

I felt something grab my hand. The hand of the broken arm. It yanked me back, and I felt like it would come off. Scenes of blood and dismemberment ran though my head. God, I was so scared…

I collapsed into the unknown persons arms. They held me tightly, and I felt warm. I felt strange sensations running thought my body, awakening my nerves.

Before I passed out, I looked up, and saw a pair of worried, teary green eyes looking down at me.

* * *

End of Chapter 11 

Everyone, exams will be over in 3 days, and then VACATION. So, I will have more time. Right now, I need to focus…I thought I would at least give you this though.

Will update soon! Special thanks to :

One Broken Wing

Uppertorso- You always stick with me. Thanks.

Nameless Transparacy

Jewelled Wolf

Obsidian Snow Leopard

Sweet Snow

And anyone else who reviewed. You all keep me going.


	14. Chapter 12 What is this feeling?

Chapter Twelve

Bad Author Notes: Oh, My goodness, I am so sorry everyone. A lot of bad things have been happening with my health, among other problems…I didn't realize how long it had been. Forgive me, all of you faithful readers, I feel terrible. But, here we go…This is a decent sized chapter, and I hope that all of you enjoy it.

Here we go! And thank you to everyone who has reviewed…You all cheer me up and keep me going.

* * *

I felt like I had died again.

Like I was floating, like I was part of something else, something greater. Maybe I was finally somewhere safe, where he couldn't get me, couldn't put his cold hands on me.

Clouds…Light…Voices…

Green Eyes…

'Wait…'

I realized that my eyes had opened. The room I was in looked like a hospital, though I could tell at the same time that it was not. It was white, with no splashes of color what so ever.

Except, of course, for the pair of green eyes that looked at me so compassionately.

As I realized that there was in fact a pair of very alive human eyes staring at me, connected to a very alive human body, I jumped back, edging away. What if my father had sent him? Hired him? To find me! Yes, that was the only explanation…

And then, I heard his voice, and I felt as though I would melt.

" Es tut meir lied…"

He spoke our language in a way I had never heard…perhaps it was just his mesmerizing voice. I can not even describe it now, the heartfelt way that words erupted from his throat. I felt calm with him.

I had heard of crushes. Usually, teenage girls got them when they grew up. It was when they would see a boy they would like, and think about being with him themselves.

That must be this feeling.

But…My father…He had always said " Boys should like Girls. That is the only way things should be." But, why? Why was that?

I decided I was thinking too much. I stayed edged away from him, even as these thoughts raised.

" Do not be afraid, I will not hurt you."

I didn't know how to respond to that. How did I know that he wouldn't? We had just met—Was he looking for my trust? I couldn't give him that. Not yet.

I kept my mouth shut.

He smiled softly at me. I took this chance to evaluate him. He looked to be a bit older than me, perhaps only a year or two. His eyes were burning into my own.

I could never to this day…Forget the pain in those eyes.

My eyes wandered over the rest of him, realizing he wore a black robe, that covered his entire body. I could tell, by the part of him arm that was visible, that he was quite skinny.

My eyes met his once more, and I decided…

I wanted him to stay. I wanted him near me. He gave me a smile that made my heart flutter.

" Forgive me for not introducing myself. My name is Klaus."

He held out his hand to me, still with that beautiful smile gracing his face, and I lifted my right arm to accept.

I had forgotten, however, that it was broken.

I bit my lip, holding back my scream. I didn't want to show him my weakness…my pitiful weakness.

He took my arm and turned it a certain way. It hurt, it really did…I was about to cry out, to scream at him, to beg to leave.

Then I realized it had gone numb. I couldn't feel it at all.

I looked at him amazed. He noticed my expression, and laughed.

" Did that help?" His voice had that natural calm…I nodded. " Good, Good…See, I'm a doctor." After he said that, he laughed a bit, seemingly at himself. " Well, I am in training to become a doctor."

I felt numb, and by that, I don't mean just my arm. He was so kind…Why did I just…Why did I feel this way?

He lifted up his arm, and pulled back the long sleeve, exposing a scarred wrist. I felt a pang of sadness right in my heart. I looked over at my own wrist, still healing, and looked up at him.

" You aren't ready to talk yet. But when you are…you can talk to me, okay?"

I could feel myself staring at him, but I didn't even try to stop. My useable hand gripped his hand tightly, and I felt myself being pulled into an embrace.

He smelt like oranges…With the scent of a dewy spring morning. My head was rested on his shoulder, and my heart was beating so quickly…

' Why did I just grab his hand? Why am I in his arms now…?'

I wanted to stop questioning it. It felt so good, so right..

I began to shake, though I couldn't explain why. He pulled away from me slowly, and I found myself toiling away in my mind over weather to yell and scream at him for letting me go. But he did not leave…He was still close. I could still hold his hand. He spoke.

" Did I scare you?"

I shook my head 'no', and finally found my voice, shaky as it was. " No, you didn't…I…I don't know why I…"

He raised his other hand, the one not in my own. " No, No. I know why. Don't worry about it." He smiled.

I did all that I had been doing so far—I nodded. He rendered me speechless. I felt that if I spoke, that if I said a word, that he would leave, leave me all alone. I couldn't even bear the thought. How silly—We had only just met.

When he was my wrists…I felt more ashamed than I ever had. Before, I had loved that feeling, loved what I had done to myself—It was freedom. But now, his eyes, full of sympathy…

It made me feel small.

I felt like I was not good enough to be alive, here, on this earth. Which, of course, brought me back to suicide, which was what I regretted and hated myself for in the first place.

'A never ending cycle.'

What had I done to deserve it?

'Damn my ancestors to hell.'

I felt like laughing at that thought. Why would people hold grudges because of things that happened hundreds of years ago? I hadn't done anything, not me personally. What if I wanted nothing to do with Faustus?

Maybe they wouldn't believe me.

While caught up in my angsty delusions, I hadn't realized that Klaus was now bandaging my wrist once again.

" All of your running around today seemed to open it up again." He was so gentle when wrapping it…I felt nothing but his soft fingers every once and while, stroking across my skin. His finger ran across my arm, near the elbow. I realized how it tickled.

I laughed. Just for a second, I laughed. I had forgotten how it was to laugh…What it felt like.

Klaus looked at me in that moment like he never had before. He had looked shocked for a moment, but then, his face broke into a huge smile, the black hair around his face still holding his mystery.

" You smiled!" He stopped my bandaging and put his hands on my shoulders. His face so close to mine as he spoke, in such a happy tone.

" You don't know how happy you have just made me…" He pulled away and smiled, but this time, in a sad way.

" I'm sorry." He looked down at the ground, twiddling his thumbs. I hung on every word. I wanted to know about him, just as he wanted to know about me.

Or maybe not. Who cares about me after all?

"Another runaway…"

I looked at him quickly.

" Another runaway with slashed wrists, like you. Only…" He shut his eyes in pain. " He never smiled again. Until the day he died…He had a disease.

I felt so stupid…

So, I had been beat a few times…So what? Things would have gotten better…If I wasn't weak, I wouldn't be bothering Klaus now…

'Just a bother…'

I felt the overwhelming sadness come back…But I didn't want him, of all people, to see me cry.

I turned away from him, laying on my side. I heard something from him, something that sounded like a sharp intake of breath through clenched teeth. The tears flowed freely, and I felt a finger trace the scars on my back.

I hear him get up, and I heard his footsteps, as he walked towards the door.

'Stay with me Klaus. Hold me Klaus, Don't let him get me.'

They were thought, not said. I couldn't stop them.

" So, you want me to stay with you?"

I froze. His footsteps returned to my bedside.

" I…will hold you, if you don't think it would hurt too much. You're pretty scarred up. I wouldn't want to jostle any of those wounds."

My mind screamed for him, but I didn't utter a word.

' I don't care about that, I just want you here with me! How…Wait, how did you know I was thinking that? This is…weird…'

Klaus began to chuckle. I felt a cold sweep of air over me. 'How…Okay, it must be a coincidence.'

"Alright, Ill stay with you. Sit up for a minute."

I leaned up, and he sat on the bed, leaning against the backboard. He opened his arms. I hesitated for a moment, and then lay my head on his chest, my one good arm draped across his chest.

" Is your other arm alright?"

I nodded. It didn't matter that it was numb, and it wouldn't even matter if it was burning. I only wanted to stay where I was.

I wasn't thinking of hurt, I wasn't thinking of what happened before. I was here, now, with him. I felt so safe…More so than ever before.

I had never truly believed in all this talk of love at first sight…I knew that I was too young anyway. Now, I begged to differ. How else could I explain this feeling? I knew, I had heard…That love takes time, but…

Thats what this was. And the last thought before I welcomed sleep was…

'…I think…I might love you, Klaus…'

* * *

End Chapter Twelve

PLEASE REVIEW. I could use them right now…..


	15. Chapter 13 Betray

Inside Light: Chapter 13

More Bad Author notes: Life is hell. And, I know that isn't an excuse, but I hope that you all can forgive my LONG absence. You may need to read the last chapter over to refresh your memory.

This is a long chapter though. I hope it is to your liking!

* * *

In the dark, Klaus smiled to himself. He whispered to the darkness.

" Thats sweet, Faust. Maybe…I'll figure out that I love you too."

* * *

When I woke up the next morning, Klaus was gone.

He had laid me back down, my head on the white down pillow, my emaciated body under the blissfully soft covers. It was cold in the room. I could tell by the air on my face.

I huddled under the covers, keeping my body heat locked around me, keeping away from the goosebumps that would inevitably come.

' That had to be…The best sleep I have ever had.'

I didn't want to break out of this cocoon of warmth. But from the sun coming through the window above my head, it had to be late in the day.

My father would be making me clean at this time.

I winced and cursed myself at thinking back. That was over. All that pain and hard work was all over, and now I was here, with him.

With Klaus.

He made me feel alive. He made me feel different, like I wasn't just a puppet. A slave.

I smiled to myself. Lovely.

Then I heard it. The voice. In my head, deep within it, like a kind of speaker. I wanted to scream at it appearing so suddenly.

' Faust, can you hear me?'

I didn't know what to do. These weren't my own thoughts. I knew that much. It wasn't…a mental illness. This was real. Someone was speaking, but…inside of me. What was this voice? Who? Was I still asleep? A dream, perhaps?

I had seen this in movies. Reading minds, people speaking to other people just through thinking.

' Not real, just in my head. I must still be tired.'

Then, it came again. Louder. More forceful.

' Exactly, it is in your mind. Thats what telepathy is, correct?' I heard a chuckle, clear as a bell. ' Its me, Faust. Its Klaus.'

With that name, my doubts melted away. I was a believer.

I focused my thoughts as hard as I could, trying to speak to him the same way he was speaking to me.

' You can do it, Faust. Just concentrate.'

It seemed like hours before I could send something out.

' Klaus…Where…are….you…'

I heard a gasp, and a laugh.

' Wow, Faust! I didn't know you were so…talented. No one has ever been able to communicate with me that…quickly!'

I was proud of myself, and in that moment, I felt a flicker of self confidence. Small, but there.

' I…what is this…?'

He didn't really make a sound, but I could imagine him smirking in my head.

' I have always had this…power. To talk to people without using my mouth. Just…I think it, and they hear it.'

I was amazed. No, not amazed…Astounded. This was something from a Science Fiction novel, not from real life. But it was happening. I knew it was.

' I didn't let everyone know. But…I trust you Faust.'

' I trust you too…'

That was a lame comeback…I had wanted to say more, but the words wouldn't come. Well, the thoughts wouldn't come, would be a more correct term.

I did trust him. More than anyone. In face, he was the only one I trusted in the entire world.

' I'm glad, Faust.'

_Oh, yeah, he can read my mind._ I thought humorously.

' Listen, Faust. Are you feeling alright?'

I thought about it, and wanting to get out of bed, I nodded.

' Yes, I feel great!'

He chuckled, and the sound seemed to echo through my head.

' Good. If you'll look to your left, I've laid out some clothes for you.'

I did so, and I saw a pair of short black pants, and a white collared shirt.

' Get dressed, and come downstairs. It's a little late for breakfast, but I did make you some lunch. Just soup and bread—Being so sick, I don't want you to stuff yourself too soon.'

I was elated.

' That sounds…wonderful. Thank you so much, Klaus.'

' Its nothing.'

Jumping out of bed, I winced at the sudden vertigo it caused. I sat for a moment, on the edge, holding my forehead in my hand, my eyes tightly shut, until the sensation passed. When it did, I stood, and noticed a pain in my lower back.

I didn't think twice. ' Must have been how I slept.' I began to dress quickly, first the undergarments, then my shirt and pants. I looked in the mirror on the side wall, and smiled at my appearance. I looked like a normal boy, minus the obvious Faust-like hair and features.

' Damn.'

As I walked a few steps towards the wooden door, I felt the pain again, through my back and bottom.

I winced. ' I'll get over it.'

I hadn't yet caught sight of the blood on my bedsheets. I must have been too distracted then.

* * *

Wherever I was…It was a beautiful house. I had thought it was at least part of a hospital, but that wasn't the case at all. It was amazing, elaborately carved wooden walls, with room after room as I walked by. It was huge, way bigger than I would have expected.

I came to the beautiful wooden staircase, spiral, and took a moment to marvel at it.

' My house is so plain compared to this…'

I gripped the handrail tightly, as I was sure that I would need it, and began my trek downwards. Each step felt like a nail driven into my back, but I ignored it. I wouldn't ask Klaus for help. I didn't need it. I could be strong.

I made it to the bottom without fault, thankfully, and turned my head. I saw Klaus' head peeking out of a room to my right, and I walked towards him, head held high.

His bright eyes seemed to swallow me, as he led me into what looked like a dining room. There were two places set, and he led me to my seat, then sitting down in his.

When I sat, I felt another sharp pain. Different. I looked at Klaus, wondering if he knew what was wrong. His quiet voice met my ears.

' Take a moment, the pain will pass.'

I nodded, much as I hated to, and sat still, flinching.

' Eat.' He instructed.

I nodded, and began to eat hungrily. I was starving. I felt his eyes on me, digging into me, seeing all of me.

I finished quickly, quicker than I had meant to. I had always learned to take my time during a meal—Funny how easily I broke that habit.

The second I set my spoon down, I realized something. I was interested in why he hadn't said a word while I ate. Maybe that's how he was taught. I stared at his clothing, once again fully black, and thought carefully.

" Klaus, tell me about yourself."

I blushed at my bluntness. He looked confused, and then smiled, that warm gentle smile. " Only if you promise to tell me about yourself after I finish."

I nodded.

He took a deep breath. " My name is Klaus. My last name isn't important. I'm nineteen, I will be twenty on January twenty second." I made a mental note of this. " I went to school in Berlin, where I lived until I was fifteen. I then moved here, to Hamburg, to study medicine. This house is a gift from my parents, you could say."

I was suprised by his age. I thought he was much younger by his looks.

It didn't change anything in my mind, however. Age was just a number, wasn't it? And he was kind, either way. Kind to a member of the Faust family, none the less.

The mind speaking came to me again, not as strange now.

' Now tell me.'

I shivered, finding slight comfort in playing with the tassel on the end of the table cloth, flicking it with my fingers. I continued to do this, mouth shut, until Klaus cleared his throat. I looked up at him, seeing his gentle yet stern look, that made me want to continue, to tell. I found myself stuttering at first.

" My…My name is Faust…" His eyes widened slightly, although I had the feeling that he had already known. " I…I am fifteen years old…" I realized how low my voice had been, when Klaus chuckled, and made a gesture with his hand to ' turn up the volume.' I smiled, and continued.

" I have always lived in Hamburg…with…with my…" I felt my throat threaten to close up. Klaus noticed my discomfort, thankfully, and held out his hand to me. I reached out, and took it without hesitation. He squeezed it gently.

" Come on. Your so close."

I was tired now. " My…my father…"

Klaus' eyes were full of sympathy, and I didn't know whether to be thankful or angry for it. I didn't need pity, I was fine, I could take care of myself. What my father did was what I deserved anyway. I was bad. Bad boys deserved to be hit.

I felt Klaus grip my hand tighter. " No, Faust. That isn't true. What would make you think that you deserved all of this?" He removed his hand from mine and traced the scars on my other arm, resting on the table. I shivered.

His hand moved, and rested itself on my head, cutting through my unruly locks like a knife through butter.

" Stand up, Faust."

I did so, asking no questions, only happy to be standing, and no longer sitting on the chair. That pain was too much.

He took my hand once more. I squeezed it.

Before I knew it, we were back in my makeshift bedroom, and this is when I caught sight of the blood on my sheets.

My back! It had to be from my back, the wounds had to have opened again!

Then why was it on the top, and not between the sheets? Did Klaus had blood on him earlier? He held me. He had to have known about it.

" Klaus, where did this blood—"

His lips were on mine in an instant. I didn't know what to do—I realized this was my first kiss. But, this wasn't right, it wasn't…

I couldn't think anymore. I was overcome with a new feeling, a new light. I felt myself being pushed back, but I didn't care. I felt myself being lowered onto my bed. I didn't care. He was on top of me. I didn't care.

It felt so good.

He stopped and spoke. " If I go just a bit further, my knowledge will be passed to you."

I didn't care. I wasn't listening. I just wanted more, just a bit more.

I nodded feverishly. He nodded as well, and lowered his lips onto my purple shaded ones once more. But, this time, it was different. This time, I felt his tongue, intertwining with my own, exploring me. I got worried for some reason, something I could barely understand. His hands were roaming over my body, all over me. And suddenly, I knew what was going on.

Sirens went off in my head. I tried to move, as his kisses were lower, and I heard his panting. I felt myself being turned over. But I was frozen. I couldn't move. Couldn't scream.

I couldn't get away. And what was happening ate me up inside.

* * *

I dreamt. I dreamt of love and togetherness. I dreamt of what would happen if I was normal. Of happiness, and freedom.

And then, the older me kicked in, with more knowledge of terrible things, and of what lust could do. Of pain, of what could be pleasure, but not, because of the fear, overwhelming. Of being held down and taken against your will, so young, so tired, so overrun.

I thought of the spikes, and of how badly I wanted to stab them into my wrists. How I wanted to pull them through me, to feel the piercing blackness, to be away.

The blood was mine. Mine, from what he did to me while I slept. All over it…soaking back into me, becoming part of me, covering him as well.

' Betrayal.' The word echoed in my fatigued mind.

My eyes opened. And my wish to be let go was proved impossible.

* * *

He lay next to me, naked, as was I. That was all the proof I needed, that and the blood and liquids on the bed, and the pain running through me.

Fifteen. I was fifteen. Was this normal? I did feel something for Klaus, of course I did, that was obvious…I had since I met him, only a day or two ago.

We had only just met.

But, he loved me! If I told him I loved him, and he always looked at me in that way, that loving way.

Was it loving?

I screamed at myself inside. Why these questions? I t was a mistake, he thought I had wanted it, thats all. He won't do it again. He wouldn't.

' My knowledge will be passed to you.'

What did that mean…I looked down, despite my fear. My arm was bleeding lazily.

And I realized something.

" So, my knowledge is yours now." A chuckle, sinister. " Do you like it?"

I jumped. I was confused, and against my will, a bit scared. He took my hand again.

" You could be a doctor, with the skills you have now. And not only that…" He came closer to my ear, and whispered. " You can read minds."

That wasn't possible. Read minds? What kind of idiot did he think I was?

" That isn't possible."

He smiled, and only now did I catch its true intentions. " You know nothing, about medicine, right?"

I hesitated, wondering about the question and its purpose, but I nodded my head. I really didn't know a thing, not how to fix a wound, not a thing.

" Lets start with something easy…" He made a sound. 'Tut, tut, tut.'

" What is TMJ?"

" Tebromandular Jaw—" I stopped. How had I known that? I didn't have it. I didn't know anyone who had it. So…how…?

" What is its cause?" That loving voice again…

" It is caused by the tops of the jaw bone not functioning properly with the mandular."

I thought I would faint. Those words…They had come from me…

He smiled. " Thats enough of that. But now, all you have to do is think," He tapped his temple with his pointer finger, " And you can be a doctor. Don't need me to fix your wounds." He laughed slightly.

I didn't know how I was still skeptical. But, I only sat there in silence, trying to comprehend what had happened. His voice was heard again, by ears that didn't want it.

" I know everyone in this city. I am…more used to reading minds of others."

I, for some reason, got a sudden feeling of anger. " Stop saying that! Reading minds, it isn't possible!"

He kissed me on my forehead, and I tried to quell the blush on my cheeks.

" You are so cute…And so very wrong." I felt like I had a fever when he said that. I felt warm, but not from happiness.

From pure, undiluted anger.

' You raped me.'

I didn't say it aloud.

' You raped me.'

He looked intently at me suddenly. " I did what I had to, to give you these powers. I had to make a bond, don't you understand?"

I felt lucky. " You didn't have to do anything! Why did I need to know all of this?"

He smirked. " Maybe I will let you know, someday. For now," He jerked his head towards the window. " Look outside."

Slowly, I lifted up slightly, to look out over the city. My body felt suprisingly accepting of what had happened…I was upset with it.

My eyes came to rest on a girl. A girl with beautiful blond hair, down to her knees.

" Now, tell me her name."

I was mad. " How would I know? I've never met her!"

He put his hands on my shoulders, and leaned down to kiss my neck. The fear overtook me. I could only do what he told me. Or he would do it again.

" Shh…concentrate." He whispered.

I did. I looked and looked at the girl, standing under the tree in the square, her back turned to me. Beautiful, even from this distance.

'Concentrate…Concentrate…'

It took me a few minutes, and it hit me like a bolt of lightning.

" Now, what is her name, pet?"

I said it. In an exhale of breath. " Eliza. Her name…is Eliza."

* * *

((Oh, my, another chapter down. Did any of you expect this turn? Meh, probably predictable. Well, READ AND REVIEW! I'm rather under the weather now.)) 


	16. Interlude 3 I'm back!

Interlude 3 

I don▓t think that ▒Bad Author Notes▓ really cuts it. I apologize immensely for abandoning the fic for as long as I have. I lost some interest in it, and life has been difficult for the past two years. But, I have come back with resolve enough to finish it.

So, lets have some well needed fluff, yes?

THIS IS JUST A FILLER. I need to get my passion for the story back. JUST FILLER. Don▓t expect much tonight. Its late, and I▓m just starting this up again.

The doctors body shook as he held the skull in his hands, staring into the eyes as if they could stare back. Sitting on the ground, against the cold wall, he did not look up at the other to see his reaction, truly not wanting to see the disgust, the pity in his eyes.

He didn▓t know if he could stand it, let alone stomach it at the moment. It was as if remembering everything so fast was bad for his insides. They were on fire, quite literally, it felt like.

Ryo, on the other hand, was only staring at the ground--Though, a more accurate term than staring would be glaring, and if the floor could see back, it would most likely be dead from the glower.

⌠ Faust┘■

⌠ Don▓t.■

The doctor was quiet, the voice soft and frightened. He didn▓t want to hear the normal, ⌠ I▓m sorry■, or ⌠ How Horrible.■ It didn▓t mean anything to him. Nothing could change what had happened. His horribly emaciated body shook with feelings kept up--but that didn▓t last, as he felt a strong set of arms around his waist, pulling him close. Gasping, he rested his body against the other, feeling both paranoid and loved at the same time, a definite contradiction.

⌠ Do you think that I would get up and leave now? Give you some ▒ I have things to do▓ bullshit?■ Smirking, the Gang leader made a rather goofy smile, ruffling the others hair, trying to lighten the mood. ⌠ You know me better than that.■

Faust glanced up, into the others eyes, trying to read them. Ryo was about as easy to read as he was--and to most, that wasn▓t a simple task. Faust himself had a rather blank stare, while Ryo was always making jokes, or trying to blend into the background. Yet, when they were so close, it was easy to see into each others souls, so to speak, and pull what was important.

⌠ No, Ryo┘I don▓t think that you are like that.■ He smirked, working up the courage and planting a small kiss on the corner of the others lips. ⌠ I don▓t think you are like that at all.■

A blush spread on Ryos cheeks as he realized what had just happened.

⌠ Faust, you don▓t have to--■

⌠ No, I don▓t. I want to. If anyone knows how I should be touched, it is you. Obviously, you won▓t hurt me┘I know this.■

Ryo nodded. ⌠ Never. I▓d never lay an ill hand on ya, you should realize that. I▓ll go as slow as you need.■ Leaning down, he planted a series of soft kisses on the Doctors skin, liking the small noises he received in return.

⌠ You can wait until later┘to tell me more. I need to hold you now, if you don▓t mind. If I don▓t, I may die.■

The blonde haired man smirked, leaning against the other for support. ⌠ You know┘I think you are more accepting than anyone I▓ve ever met.■

Ryo responded to this response with a kiss, enough to get the other to be quiet and give in, but not enough to frighten Faust away. Rubbing his back, he shook his head.

⌠ Listen to me┘You need to rest. I know that you don▓t sleep, for whatever reason, at least not often, just┘Please. For me.■

Faust made a face, but didn▓t object. Talking so much about his had exhausted every inch of him, and he needed to recover. ⌠ Only if you stay with me. ⌠

⌠ Of course.■

Walking to the bed on shaky legs, the doctor laid down, as Ryo followed, wrapping his arms around the other, and leaning down to kiss his neck.

⌠ I▓m proud of you. Most people wouldn▓t ever touch another person.■

⌠ Most people aren▓t as kind as you.■

TouchИ.

⌠ If I have a nightmare, wake me.■

⌠ Of course. Think about good things. Think about us. The past is gone.■

That was horrid.

Just letting you all know that I▓m still alive.


End file.
